


After the Fountain

by theaceupmyownsleeve



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Badass Mai (Avatar), Boarding School, Communication, Coping, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dreams and Nightmares, Ember Island (Avatar), Emotional Hurt, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Kissing, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this while missing my friends during quarantine, Love Confessions, Mai (Avatar)-Centric, No Sex, Ozai's Angels - Freeform, Reunions, Young Mai, Young Zuko, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko's Scar (Avatar), coping with mental health, knife lessons, the boiling rock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25279423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theaceupmyownsleeve/pseuds/theaceupmyownsleeve
Summary: What happens offscreen between Zuko's flashback to the fountain and present day. This is from Mai's perspective as she begins to realize that her crush may just like her back.
Relationships: Azula & Mai & Ty Lee, Azula & Mai (Avatar), Mai & Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 139
Kudos: 228
Collections: AtLA <50k fics to read





	1. The Knife Throwing Lesson

There was no peace for Mai after Azula found out about her crush. Being knocked into a fountain was just the tip of the iceberg. 

If there was one thing Mai did not care for, it was Azula’s games. Everything was a game to her. 

When one’s pick of friends was as small as it was inside the walls of the Flame Court, the choice was playing by Azula’s rules or being alone. 

And Zuko was a bargaining chip she relished. 

_I don’t care_ , she reminded herself, hurling knife after knife at the charred targets in the courtyard. 

“Oh, you’re here?” a hesitant voice spoke from behind her. 

She spun on her heel and crossed her arms as she recognized the owner, trying to smooth the sudden jolt in her chest. “Zuko. It’s you.”

“Where’s Azula and Ty Lee?” He asked, his amber eyes flickering over the field suspiciously. 

“They’re not always with me,” she huffed, “I do things on my own too, you know.”

“Oh. Sorry.” He flushed, looking back down at his feet.

“Why are you here?” she asked, turning sharply back towards the range before that voice in her head could wonder about the Zuko’s pallor. She aimed another blade at the target.

“I wanted to practice my knife throwing.”

“You throw knives?” She arched an eyebrow at him. 

“I do now.” He twisted his hands uncomfortably. “Uncle Iroh sent me this," he said, holding up a knife of his own. 

“You’re going to need more than one knife if you’re going to throw them.”

“Oh.” 

“If Azula were here, she’d say you were dumb for not knowing that.” Mai regretted her words as soon as they came out of her mouth. More so as Zuko’s face grew stricken. “I’m glad she’s not here,” she added. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. You remember that day with the fountain?”

Zuko looked away, his cheeks growing even darker. “How could I forget? I had to change my clothes.”

“She’d probably bring it up again if she saw we were training together.”

“Are we training together?” he asked, holding up his knife hopefully.

She shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. “If you want.” 

“Yes! I mean…” He forced his smile flat. “Sure. If you want.” He rubbed at his neck, “If that would be okay. Not that I care.”

“‘Fighting with knives is different than sword fighting or fire bending, but a good knife can be just as fierce as flames when it comes to defending one’s virtue,’” she said, mimicking the stern words her father had used as he had introduced her to her first blade. 

Zuko nodded, his face growing serious again. Focused.

“Stance is most important. You set your feet and the power comes from that.” Mai set her feet, sighting down the edge of her throwing knife.

“How do you know which arm to throw it with?” 

“Someday I’ll be good enough to throw with both arms, but for now, I throw with my right because I’m left eye dominant.”

“What?”

“My left eye is better than my right.” She rolled her eyes for effect. 

“How do you know which eye is better?”

“Like this.” She held up her hands in a triangle, holding just enough space between them to see Zuko’s face. “Whichever eye you instinctively look through the gap with is your dominant one.”

Zuko copied her, turning his head left and right and he peered at her. “I think…” He blinked at her through his fingers with his left eye, flashing warm yellow in the midday light. “I’m left eye dominant! Like you!”

She smirked at him, pushing his hands away from his face. “Don’t get too excited. Let’s see if you can throw like me, too.” She modeled her throwing stance for him, planting her feet with her left eye the farthest from the target. She cocked her right arm, holding her knife against her cheek, just under her better eye. Snapping her arm forward so that her fingers stretched toward the target, she flung the knife straight at it. 

It sank just off the center to the hilt. 

Zuko clapped, the sound ringing out awkwardly in the semi silence.

“You try.” 

He nodded once, fiercely, and attempted to model her stance. His shoulders scrunched up around his ears as he raised his knife, more comical than anything else. 

“Not quite.” She nudged his shoulder, gently, trying to get him to relax. “Why are you so stiff? You’re like a board. Isn’t fire supposed to be flowy? You’d think a fire bender would be more in control of himself.”

“You’d think a non bender would be more patient.” Zuko retorted, his lips pursing. 

Mai pulled away. “I did not realize you thought of me as a non bender.” Her voice dropped flat once again. 

“No!” He raised his hands, eyes wide, “I don’t think of you like that!” He dropped them, searching her face with startled eyes. “My mother doesn’t bend either, but she taught me everything I know about court.” He kicked at the ground. “I just think it’s sad that you can teach me about knives, but I can’t teach you about fire bending.” 

“Who says I want to learn fire bending?” Mai muttered. 

“Of course not,” Zuko agreed, his face flushing. “But I do want to learn knives,” he said to the ground, “For Uncle Iroh of course.”

“Of course.” 

“Can I try again?” He asked, holding up the blade again. 

“Of course,” she said again, reaching out to close his fingers around the hilt. “Try it more like this, this time.” She held up one of her knives, modeling her stance with her shoulders loose.

“Like this?”

“Relax a little bit more.”

“Now?”

“Much better.” She nodded to him, allowing a rare smile to sneak onto her face. “Oh, and Zuko?”

“Mhmm?” He blinked back at her, breaking his attention on the target.

“If you ever want another lesson, you know where to find me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the training and forms is based off of my limited archery training, but if this quarantine stretches on any longer I may just learn knife throwing too.


	2. On Target

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the training and forms is based off of my limited archery training, but if this quarantine stretches on any longer I may just learn knife throwing too.

By their sixth meeting at the targets, Mai was comfortable enough to push and pull Zuko’s arms and legs around to get him to feel the right way to stand. 

“Don’t lock your knees,” she told him, leaning down to push Zuko’s knee back into its proper place just enough to stabilize him. 

“Okay, I’m going to throw it now,” he said, arching his hand back, the knife from Iroh glinting in his hand. He had gotten better with it in hand to hand combat, she had noticed, from seeing him spar with nothing but air. She didn’t dare hope that her lessons had anything to do with that, but his throwing—

A sharp _thunk_ cut through the air, and Mai looked up to see that Zuko had struck the target just a hair’s breadth from the center.

She dipped her head. “Not bad.” 

“ _Yesss!”_ He punched the air. “I’m going to go pull it.” 

She held up a hand, stopping him before he could hurry downrange for his one and only knife. “Borrow mine.”

“Really?” A slow smile began to spread over his face. 

“Just take it,” Mai said, holding one of her knives out, hilt first, thankful that she had never been the type to blush easily. She would have been even brighter red than him, and he was the one exerting himself. “It’ll be quicker.” 

Zuko reached for the knife, and the warmth of his hands closing over hers only made her cheeks heat further. Were all fire benders this warm, or just Zuko?

A rush of pride filled her chest as he cocked her knife back to his cheek, just as she had shown him, and sent the knife flying towards the target—

Only to miss by a long shot.

“What?” He turned towards her, his face a mask of shocked betrayal. “I thought I did everything right that time!”

“Uh…” She reached for another knife, suddenly embarrassed. “I forgot to warn you. My knives are lighter than yours. They don’t have a traditional hilt.”

“So what am I supposed to do? Throw less hard?” 

“Try adjusting your aim by where the last knife landed until you get it.” 

He narrowed his eyes at the target again, flattening his tongue between his teeth as he focused— a habit that Mai herself had not even noticed she was starting to pick up until her mother had scolded her for it during one of her tutoring sessions last week.

And now she was staring at Zuko’s mouth.

Just great.

She quickly shifted her eyes downrange, to where his knife would hopefully strike.

He held his right hand up, sighting with the knife between two fingers, before drawing his hand back and —

The knife struck the dead center of the target.

He turned back to her, a wide grin on his face. “I did it, Mai, did you see it?” 

She opened her mouth to say something sarcastic, to tell him _Lucky Shot,_ and found herself smiling back at him. “Not bad, Zuko.”

He folded his arms, reflecting her closed off stance. “Are you ever going to say ‘Good job’?”

She shoved at his shoulder, her smile widening. “Haven’t you realized it by now, hotshot? Not bad _is_ my good job.”

“Well,” Zuko declared, planting his hands on his hips, “I think you’re _not bad_ yourself, Mai.”

In a court where no one ever seemed genuinely happy, impressed, or proud of anything or anyone, Zuko’s excitement was different. He was brighter than anyone else she had met or talked to— excited, but grounded, not cartwheeling through it all like Ty Lee or muscling his way through like Azula. 

It made something in Mai feel brighter too.

“Hey, so I was wondering…” the Zuko said, his smile fading.

Mai quickly pushed all of her thoughts back down. Nothing good ever came of a start like that.

He rubbed at his neck, swallowing uncomfortably. “Would you like to spend some time together sometime?” 

“You just said ‘some time’ twice.”

“Oh, well…” He bounced back on the balls of his feet, looking anywhere but at Mai. “I think it would be nice if we could spend so… spend time together not as training buddies.”

“As friends, or…?” Heat filled her face, and Mai _knew_ she was blushing. She never blushed. Why now?

“As more?” If Zuko could fire bend with his eyes, his own shoes would be aflame. “We’ve been spending a lot more time together lately, and I think I want to get to know you better.” 

“Sure,” she shrugged, a small smile beginning to spread over her face. “I’d like that.”

“Really?” he grinned at her. “I thought you were going to say something like ‘If you can hit that target again,’ or something.”

“I will, if that’s what you want.”

“No, no!” He held up his palms in mock surrender, “That’s okay, really!” From there, he seemed unsure of what to do with his own hands. They fluttered over his neck, shoved into his pockets, before finally, he reached out, palm up. “Do you want to…?” He wiggled his fingers, his flush reddening even further than Mai previously thought possible.

She slid her hand into his. Zuko’s skin was warmer than most other people’s, as if the flames he bent lay just beneath the surface, but he radiated a comforting kind of heat. 

“Like a fireplace,” she said aloud. 

“What?”

“What?” she shook her head, unsure of how she had gotten so far. He was a member of the royal family, after all. Not that she thought little of herself, but… She was lucky. She knew that as she squeezed him, watching his eyes light up at her touch. “This isn’t bad.” 

He cast her a warm smile, and she felt her heart melt.

“This isn’t bad at all.”

  
  
  



	3. Beside the Turtle Duck Pond

Mai sat in the grass beside the court fountain with her chin propped in her hands, watching Zuko model his latest firebending form.

He punched forward, face tight with concentration, and a soft wisp of smoke rose from his fist.

“Was it supposed to do that?”

Zuko ran his hands over his face, smearing soot down his cheeks. “No!” He groaned, plopping down on the ground next to her. “It’s supposed to create a fireball.”

She frowned. “I thought you already mastered shooting fire out of your hands.”

“A continuous flame is easier than a short blast. It takes less control.” He flopped backwards, flat on his back in the grass with his arms folded tightly over his chest. “Azula has already mastered both.”

Mai rolled over to lean her chin on his shoulder. “So what if she has?”

Zuko’s voice was so soft she had to strain to hear him. “When I was little, my father always said I was lucky to be born. He said it again today when I messed up one of the forms.” 

“Why do you care? I don’t, and my parents are full of expectations.” 

He turned his head away, but not before Mai noticed the pain on his face, the dark circles under his eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter if you’re lucky to be born. You’re here now. Not being born would have been boring,” she added. 

“You think everything is boring.”

She stretched up to run a hand through his hair. “Not everything.” 

He smiled, leaning into her touch. “I’m glad you don’t think I’m boring.” Zuko reached out to put an arm around her, and Mai stiffened.

“What?”

“Sorry, your hands.” She reached up to pull at one of the ribbons in her hair. “My mother will throw a fit if I get soot on my dress.”

“I thought you didn’t care what she thinks.”

“I don’t,” she huffed, sitting up to pin him with a glare. 

He held her gaze, amber eyes wide. 

It was her that broke away first, looking down to smooth her red skirts beneath her pale fingers. “I don’t care. It’s just easier not to upset them.”

“I understand.” Zuko rose to his feet, offering her his hand before thinking better of it and turning the motion into a rub at the back of his neck, smearing soot beneath his hairline. “Come on.” He turned, smiling at her over his shoulder.

Mai rose silently, shaking her dress to get rid of any traces of grass clinging to them.

“Aren’t you going to ask where I’m taking you?”

She arched an eyebrow. “Should I?”

“Er… no. It’s a surprise.”

She followed him off the training ground and through one of the hallways that opened to the air, until finally they emerged into the courtyard the royal family’s living quarters bordered.

“The turtleduck pond?” She questioned.

Bounding ahead, Zuko dropped to his knees beside the pool, motioning for her to sit beside him.

She followed slowly, trying not to roll her eyes. “Is this your idea of a romantic spot?”

His blush was all the answer she needed. She sat down next to him, staring across the water, rippling in the sunlight. Maybe he was on to something.

“Here,” he said, dunking his hands in the pond. “Nothing water can’t fix.”

She shook her head, her lips turning up at the corners as she pointed to the ashes still smeared across his cheeks. “You forgot your face.”

“What?!” Zuko leaned forward over the water, trying to catch sight of his reflection in its glassy surface. “Where?”

“Here.” Mai reached into her sleeve to pull out a black silken handkerchief, neatly pressed. “My mother insists I carry one,” she said, in response to Zuko’s inquisitive look.

She dipped it in the pond. “Bring your face over here.”

Zuko hesitantly leaned forward, allowing her to take his chin in her hand. “Ah! It’s cold!” He flinched away as she dabbed at his cheeks.

“You knew it was. You dunked your hands in,” she replied, her voice flat.

“Yeah, but…” He sighed. “You’re right.” He kept himself still as she rubbed away the dirt, wincing as she had to press against his nose to get a particularly stubborn smear. “You know, this is much less embarrassing. My mom usually just licks her thumb and goes for it.” 

“I have no idea why you would tell me that,” Mai deadpanned. “Are you trying to embarrass yourself?”

Zuko’s now clean face reddened. “It was supposed to be a compliment?” 

“You need practice.”

He opened his mouth, startled.

She reached for his hand before he could say anything, “If you wanted to practice on me, I wouldn’t hate it.” 

“Your hands are warmer than usual,” he said, holding up their joined hands. 

“I think that’s because yours are wet,” she replied, giving him a squeeze. 

“Your hair is really pretty,” he reached up to gently touch one ribbon. “I like it.”

“So is yours.” Mai nodded to his ponytail. “It’s cute.” She touched the top of his head, where his hair was so tightly bound. “I wonder…” She trailed off.

“What?” Zuko blinked as she hooked a finger around one of the painfully stretched hairs, only just barely long enough to be woven into the ribbon he wore. 

“May I?” She pulled at it, careful not to hurt him.

“Sure.”

She tugged the strand out, letting it curl around his forehead. “Bangs suit you.” 

Zuko reached up to touch it, his eyes crossing as he tried to see his own head. 

“Check your reflection, Zuko.”

“Oh. Right.” He leaned forward, his face breaking into a shy smile as he saw himself. “I like it. I look less…” He shrugged. “I don’t know, I look more like me.”

“You act more like you when you’re relaxed, Zuko,” Mai replied, “I do too. If we’re as uptight as everyone in the court, we’ll never get anything done.” She traced the callouses on the pad of his thumb. “Zuko, you put in the work, even when it doesn’t come easy to you. You push yourself, and I like that about you.”

“I’m sensing a _but…”_

“But you can’t care about everything at once. You’ll end up like those nobles at court, bending over backward for your father’s approval.” 

“It comes easier to you than me, Mai,” Zuko said, staring into the pond.

“What did I just say, Zuko?” Mai reached out to turn his face toward her. “You put in the work, even when it doesn’t come easy. I don’t care what your father says, and you shouldn’t either.”

He sighed. “I don’t want to think about my father right now.”

“Good. Then don’t.” 

He smiled, his eyes flickering over her face. “I have another compliment. Don’t laugh.”

“Is it funny?”

“I…” He swallowed before shaking his head. “I hope not. Mai?” He covered their entwined fingers with his other hand. “I think your mouth looks very soft.” 

She blinked at him, suddenly lost for words.

“That sounded better in my head,” he confessed.

“It would sound better if you said what you were thinking,” Mai replied, heart in her throat. She could hear his breath catch. 

“Who says I didn’t?” 

“Me, Zuko.” She stretched an arm up to rest a hand on the back of his neck. 

His eyes slid down to her mouth. After a long, tense beat, where Mai wondered if she had made a terrible mistake, he leaned forward and pressed his mouth to hers. 

Mai’s hand tightened on the back of his neck, her other arm sliding forward to hug him close. Zuko’s hands cradled the back of her head, his mouth soft on hers. 

It wasn’t what she imagined her first kiss to be like. There were no fireworks cutting through the grey of her day, but as she kissed him, a cozy feeling spread through her chest, warming her to the bone. She could feel his tense muscles relaxing as he held onto her. 

His mouth was uncertain, not quite in sync with hers. His lips were chapped, his hands calloused, and she would not have him any other way. 

He broke away first, staring at her with something akin to wonder. “Hi,” Zuko whispered. 

_Hi?_ A chuckle escaped her chest. “Hello to you too.” She unwound her hands from him, smiling fondly. She held out her hand for his again. 

She stopped short as she caught sight of her hands. Ash coated her palms, dark against her pale skin. _Right._ She had forgotten he had smeared soot on his neck.

Reaching up, Mai dragged her palm down the line of his nose, leaving a grey trail in its wake. 

“Hey!” He pulled back, his eyes bright as he realized what she had done. “No fair!” He rubbed his fingers over his face, smearing it. His hands came away almost as dirty as hers. With a mischievous grin, he aimed his fingers at her face, streaking her cheek with twin lines of soot. 

“Oh, it’s on now.” She tackled him into the grass, trying to reach his face as he grappled at her wrists, laughing. The breath whooshed out of him in a huff as she planted a knee on his stomach. 

“Mai!” He wheezed.

She responded by smearing her entire hand down his face, leaving a smudged handprint from his forehead to his chin. She smirked. “Got you.” 

“Mai! What on earth are you doing!?”

Mai froze as she recognized the voice of her mother. Apprehension bubbling in her chest, she slowly raised her eyes to meet her mother’s disappointed face.

“You have dirt all over you! What were you thinking?” 

“I’m sorry, mother,” she replied, rising slowly to her feet. She could sense Zuko’s wide amber eyes on her.

“Come with me! You are returning to your room at once.” Mai’s mother shook her head, her perfectly coiffed hair never wavering from its intended place. 

Zuko caught her hand as she turned to go. “Mai,” he hissed, a fervent whisper, “Are you going to be okay?”

She gave a shallow nod. “Of course.”

“I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“No, Zuko,” she felt herself soften. “You did nothing wrong.”

“Mai!” Her mother called over her shoulder, already marching away. 

Zuko flinched.

“I mean it.” She searched his eyes, wishing she could reassure him better. “I don’t care, remember?”

“I remember.” He sounded resigned. 

Mai folded her hands in her lap and left without a glance backwards, following her mother’s footsteps. She could still feel Zuko’s mouth on hers, and she smiled inwardly. 

Some things even her parents could not give her.

And some things they could never take away.

“I can’t imagine what you were thinking, Mai,” her mother chastised. She pulled Mai into her room and locked the door behind them. “Sit,” she snapped, pointing towards the straight backed chair in front of Mai’s vanity. Mai’s room was lovely. A four poster bed, a full length mirror, an intricate trunk full of elegant dresses, and a well stocked vanity full of her mother’s favorite makeup. 

The lack of windows was not lost on her. 

Mai’s mother snatched the Spark Rocks from Mai’s bedside table, striking them together sharply. She bustled around the room, lighting the lanterns that hung from the ceiling. 

She with a smart dusting off of her hands, she yanked her handkerchief from her sleeve and dabbed at it with her tongue. “You were lucky, Mai,” she said, as soon as her mouth was free. She seized her daughter’s face sharply. “What if one of your father’s subordinates had seen you? What if a member of the royal family had seen you?” She scrubbed at Mai’s face furiously. “Tussling in the dirt with the Fire Lord’s grandson like a tavern brawler! What would people say!”

May stayed silent, watching her own face in the mirror as her mother cleaned the soot from it. 

“Your father and I did not bring you up to behave this way, Mai. Your actions reflect on us. Remember that.”

When her daughter’s face was clear again, she tucked the handkerchief back into her sleeve with a snap, her face still creased with frown lines. “I am accompanying your father to a meeting, and you are to stay in this room until I return this evening. Until then, you may reflect on your behavior.” She marched over to the door and paused, her hand on the knob. Mai met her eyes, and her face softened. “Send for dinner when you are hungry, love.”

And Mai was alone. 

She let out a long sigh and settled back into the chair, already bored. _Why is this how it always goes? Just when I thought everything was perfect, she had to come along and make it about my reputation._

A soft knock at the door startled Mai out of her self pitying thoughts. 

Had her mom forgotten something? She rose from her seat and let herself keep a leisurely pace as she walked towards the door. Whatever it was, it was not Mai’s problem.

With a roll of her eyes, she wrenched the door open.“Yes, mo—”

Zuko stood there, his face red from scrubbing but free of ash. 

“Oh, hello, Zuko.” She opened the door wider. Her mother had said nothing about her not letting anyone in. Besides, it would be rude to turn away a member of the royal family.

“I came to bring you your handkerchief,” he said, holding out the scrap of silk.

“Thank you,” she replied, suddenly uncertain of herself. 

“Are you in trouble?”

“I’m supposed to stay in my room until my mother returns.”

“Oh.” Zuko’s face fell. “Are you allowed to have visitors? I wanted to talk to you.”

“Come inside.” She waved him in. He hovered awkwardly on the threshold as she sat back down at the vanity. “If you want, you can sit there,” she said, pointing at the trunk at the foot of her bed. 

He stayed where he was, not looking at her. 

“Did you get into trouble?” she asked.

“No. No one noticed my face but my mom.” He shrugged. “I may have told her we kissed.”

Of course. _That’s_ what he wanted to talk about. His mother had forbidden them from seeing one another. 

“She says she doesn’t mind!”

Wait. _What?_ “Really?”

“She thinks you’re sweet.” He rubbed at his neck. This time his hand came away clean. “And a really good friend to Azula.” 

“I’m glad she approves,” Mai said.

“But that’s not what I wanted to talk about,” Zuko said hurriedly, “I like you, and I like spending time with you.” A sheepish smile curled over the corners of his lips. “I came to ask you if you wanted to be my girlfriend.”

Mai nodded slowly, hardly able to believe her ears. “I would like that.” 

Zuko’s entire face lit up, his golden eyes brighter than any flame she had seen. He crossed the room to her in a few short strides to wrap his arms around her.

She leaned into him, inhaling the smoky smell of him as he buried his face in her shoulder, laughing softly. 

“I’m so glad,” he murmured. 

She turned her head, nudging at his cheek with her nose where it rested against her skin. “Zuko…”

He leaned in to press his lips to hers, his movements sloppy because he was smiling so wide.

“We should do something to celebrate! Get dinner or something,” Zuko said, pulling himself up to sit on top of the vanity. “We could have a picnic!”

“I can’t leave, remember? I’m sending for dinner from my room.” 

“We could have a picnic in here,” he suggested.

“That doesn’t sound too bad.” She grabbed her inkwell and parchment from the vanity and rose from her chair to walk over to the wall beside her bed. A red velvet chord hung there, fixed in the wall. “Do you want to know what my favorite thing to do when my parents do things like this?” She flashed him a bitter smile. “I order a bunch of desserts and send the servants scrambling.”

“Really?”

“It makes me feel better.” She shrugged. “What do you want to get?” 

“Cream puffs? Oh! And fire flakes!” 

She nodded approvingly. “And I’ll get a tart.” She jotted down the foods on the parchment and folded the paper crisply. She pushed it through the slot beside the chord and pulled it. The sound of soft chimes filled the air. 

“Hey, Mai?” 

She jumped as Zuko’s voice came from directly behind her. “What?” 

“Is that a stuffed platypus bear?” 

Her face heated. “No.” She shot an awkward glance at the fluffy toy sitting on her bed, its toothy beak smiling back at her. She sighed. “Yes. His name is Wyvern.”

“He’s cute!” Zuko plopped down next to the bear to poke at its nose. 

She sat down beside him, her discomfort dissipating immediately. “Yeah. I suppose he is.”

“If I had a stuffed animal, I’d want a turtle duck,” Zuko replied, rubbing his chin. “I think they’re my favorite animal.” 

Mai picked up the toy and plopped it on Zuko’s head. “I don’t have a favorite animal, but Platypus Bears are alright.”

He giggled, letting it stay on top of him. “I can see why! I’d love to see a real live one someday.”

“I hear they have them in circuses.” She reached for his hand. “We should go someday.”

“I’d like that.” 

Mai leaned her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes contentedly. The idea of having a _someday_ with Zuko was a nice one to consider. She had not considered deeply what it meant to be his girlfriend, but if there was a future of his bright smile and dumb giggles as he sat beside her, she did not care what would happen. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mai is awkward. Zuko is awkward. The author is awkward. Everyone's awkward.


	4. Light in the Dark

Mai was reading under the tree in the courtyard when a pair of hands landed on her page. She looked up to see a face just inches from hers.

She pushed a bookmark into her book. “Hello, Ty lee.”

“Mai!” she grabbed her friend’s hand, her round face a picture of concern. “You need to check on your boyfriend.”

“Is he stuck in a tree again?” 

Ty Lee shook her head. “I saw him crying by the turtleduck pond. I don’t know what happened.” 

“That’s not like him.” 

“I know!” Ty Lee hesitated. “It’s probably better if you go without me.” She wrapped her arms around Mai quickly, before cartwheeling away.

“Just because she can,” Mai whispered to herself, her heart warm at the sight of Ty Lee flipping through the grass.

The shore of the turtleduck pond was completely empty, save for a passing servant hurrying by, carrying a basket of laundry on her hip. 

“Have you seen Zuko?” Mai asked, holding up a hand to pause her.

The servant shook her head, looking alarmed at having been addressed. “Yes, Miss, a little while ago. He and Azula were by the turtleduck pond. I haven’t seen them since.”

“What were they doing?”

The servant pressed her lips together, looking even more uncomfortable, and Mai did not have to wait for her answer.

Of course they had been fighting. And if there was anywhere Zuko would be after a fight with Azula, it was his room. 

Mai nodded to the servant and hurried away. Normally, she was not the one who searched out sad people and tried to make them reconcile with their emotions. That was Ty Lee’s job, and she did it much better than Mai ever could. For Zuko to be crying enough to concern her was out of character. Mai was not sure that she had seen Zuko break down before. Sure, she had seen him tear up, usually out of frustration, but never cry. 

Come to think of it, he had never seen her cry either, but she was certain that if she did, he would come find her as well. Besides, he was her boyfriend. That had to count for something. 

When she knocked on the door to Zuko’s room, some part of her wondered whether he would even respond.

“Mai?” Zuko questioned as he opened the door. “What are you doing here?”

It was clear he had been crying. His face was red and blotchy and his voice was thick. 

“I came to see you, what else?”

“Oh, uh…” He looked startled. “Come in.” He waved her through the door, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, fine.” He managed a small smile, more like a grimace than anything else.

“Come on, Zuko. I may not have Ty Lee’s sense, but I know you better than that. What happened?”

His face fell instantly. Silence stretched between them, just long enough for Mai to begin to regret asking. 

Finally, Zuko spoke, his voice trembling. “It’s my mom, Mai. She’s gone. My father has sent out guards to try to find her, but wherever she went, she took her belongings.” His lower lip quivered. “She’s left us.”

“I’m sorry, Zuko.” Mai stretched out her arms and he sank into them, shaking with silent sobs. She rubbed at his back, feeling his breath hiccup in his chest where he pressed against her. 

“How did you know to find me?” he mumbled into her neck.

“Ty Lee told me.” 

“Of course she did.” He huffed out something similar to a laugh, breaking away from her. 

Silence stretched again, and Mai could sense the tension Zuko carried in his shoulders drawing even tighter. 

“If you want me to go, I can.”

“No, stay!” he reached for her hand, his eyes wide. “You don’t have to leave.” Tears began to well in his eyes again. “Please don’t leave me.” 

The unsteady sentence hung in the air between them, far more vulnerable than any Mai had heard spoken to her before. 

“I won’t,” she replied, pulling him in for a kiss. “I’m here,” she murmured against his mouth, swiping her thumb over his cheeks to smooth away the tears. 

“I can’t believe she’s gone.” He whispered. “And that’s not all. My father has not made the announcement yet, because of my mother, but…” He leaned forward, his voice barely louder than a breath. “My grandfather is dead, and he named my father his heir.” He stepped away from her, his tearful eyes growing frantic. “Everything is changing, and so fast.” 

Then Zuko’s knees buckled and he collapsed on the floor in front of her. He buried his face in his hands, thin shoulders shaking as sobs wracked his body. 

She stood frozen, unsure of what to do. What did this mean for Zuko? For her? For their country. She usually could not care less about politics, but Zuko was right. Everything was changing, and quickly. 

She reached down to run her fingers through his hair, listening as his uneven breathing softened beneath her touch. He was the bright spot in their dark, tumultuous world, even if that world seemed determined to extinguish his spirit. 

She knelt to embrace him, one hand still tangled in his hair, and he wrapped his arms around her neck, pressing a sloppy kiss on her cheek. His skin was frigid against her. 

“Your hands are cold,” she whispered, startled as she came to the realization. 

“I feel cold." 

Strangest of all, the woodsmoke smell of him had faded, leaving behind the smell of soap and little else. She sat up straighter as a thought occurred to her. “Can firebenders lose their fire when they are grieving?”

He gave a helpless shrug. “My father has never mentioned it happening to anyone, but fire bending is tied to emotion.” 

“Even on cold days, you’re never this cold,” she replied, running her hands over his chilly arms. 

“Your hands are burning up.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I run cold.” she leaned her forehead against his, “I’m just warm by contrast.” 

He leaned against her, beginning to shiver in earnest as his raw emotions cooled, replaced by fear over the state of his body. 

“Stay here. I’ll grab a blanket.” She hated how drawn he looked, how pale, tear tracks cut down his wane cheeks. 

How could Ursa have left him alone like this? 

Mai pulled the thick blankets from Zuko’s four poster bed with a flourish, already planning her next few steps in her head. If the blankets didn’t work, she would send for tea. And if that didn’t work, she would start a fire in the fireplace. She looked around for Zuko’s Spark Rocks and found none. The question was almost at her lips before she remembered.  _ Obviously, he doesn’t need them. Why would he have them?  _

Hopefully, the blankets worked well enough. 

She dropped them over his body, and they landed in a heap on top of him, completely burying him.  _ Oops.  _

A muffled “Thanks,” rang out from under the covers, before his head emerged from under the blankets. He smiled up at her. “That’s a lot better.”

“Good.”

He held up a hand. “Join me?” His grin angled up into a smirk. 

She rolled her eyes and sat down beside him, pulling at the blankets until they accommodated her too. “How do you want to do this?”

Zuko opened his arms, an awkward motion beneath the heavy velvet blanket. 

The giddy softness in her chest rose too high to even roll her eyes at the boyish smile he gave her. Meeting his amber eyes, still red from earlier, she leaned down to lay her head on her chest. For a brief moment, she considered asking to rearrange their bodies when she realized she could not see his face without turning her neck awkwardly. 

But as Mai relaxed into him, she realized she could hear the soft beating of his heart against her ear. This close to him, she could smell the soft smoky scent of him, just barely beginning to return. 

He held her tightly, his breathing growing deeper and more even with each passing moment. 

She was warm and safe in his arms, as she had never felt before. Who cared if he was the crown prince now? He was still Zuko. 

She could feel his muscles shift as he reached up to run his fingers through her hair, his movements languid. 

_ Yes, _ Mai told herself,  _ things were going to be okay.  _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst, though as you can guess, there's likely more where than came from.


	5. The Agni Kai

Things were not okay.

Mai followed her parents down the palace hallway, the words they had just spoken ringing dully in her ears. 

_ The Fire Lord has summoned the entire court to witness his Agni Kai.  _

_ Who is he fighting?  _ Rarely was an Agni Kai witnessed by more than the participants' close friends and high ranking fire nation soldiers. 

_ Young Prince Zuko. He spoke out of turn in his father’s war room. He challenged him.  _

Mai’s blood had gone cold.  _ What have you done, Zuko?  _

More importantly, how was Zuko to fight the  _ Fire Lord,  _ the most accomplished Fire Bender in the nation? 

She barely registered the milling crowd surrounding them, all headed towards the same room in the palace. 

Mai had never been to one before, though Azula and Zuko had witnessed plenty. 

Looking around at the raised stage surrounded by raised seating and boxes as she had only seen in theaters, Mai felt sick to her stomach. 

“Hi, Mai!” a cheery voice spoke from just beside her elbow.

“Ty Lee—” She barely had time to get the name out before pink clad arms were wrapped around her, squeezing tightly. 

“Are you okay, Mai? Your aura is as pale as a ghost!” 

“I’m fine,” she whispered. If Ty Lee knew she was lying— Mai suppressed a sigh. Of  _ course  _ Ty Lee knew she was lying— she did not let on. 

“I’ll be sitting with my sisters if you need me,” she said, squeezing Mai one last time before she slipped off through the crowd on silent feet. 

Leaving her. 

“Mother, may I sit with her?” Mai asked quickly. 

Her mother inclined her head, once, and Mai hurried away as quickly as she could through the forest of people. She was less graceful than Ty Lee, but her friend’s long brown ponytail was hard to lose in the crowd. 

The seven identical ponytails up ahead of her were even harder to ignore. 

The happy burble of Ty Lee’s voice raised over the murmur of the crowd’s tense voices, and Mai smiled inwardly. Ty Lee was hard to mistake, even amongst her identical sisters.

Not to mention that she was the only one wearing pink.

Mai stretched out her hand to tap her friend’s shoulder. 

“You did decide to sit with us after all!” Ty Lee squealed, before dropping her voice. “Sorry. I’m not looking forward to this. All the negativity of an Agni Kai will be bad for this audience!” She pulled Mai down to sit next to her, a frown creasing her brow. 

“Not to mention for Zuko.”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure the Fire Lord will go easy on your boyfriend. He’s his son, after all.”

Somehow, after listening to Zuko talk about his father, Mai doubted it. She offered Ty Lee a tight smile nonetheless. 

“Oh! It’s starting!” Ty Lee grabbed Mai’s sleeve as drumbeats rose into the air. 

“Careful, I have—” A knife clattered to the floor. “—weapons in there.” Mai sighed and ducked down to retrieve it.

By the time she raised her head, Zuko was on the stage, his arms bound in the traditional Agni Kai circlets, his upper torso bare save for the ceremonial cloth draped over his shoulders, shining gold in the firelight It was deceptively pretty for the sport it represented. His back was to his opponent, in true Agni Kai fashion, leaving him blind to his father standing mere feet away. Even as far as he was, Fire Lord Ozai loomed over his son, his shadow flickering wildly in the firelight. 

A gong sounded, and Mai’s heart jumped with it. For a brief, insane moment, she considered pushing her way to the stage itself, but she tamped down on the urge as soon as it came and schooled her features into a neutral expression. 

Zuko turned, shrugging the ceremonial cloth from his shoulders, and Mai’s entire vision narrowed down to his face. 

The shock. The pain. The betrayal. 

If she had learned one thing about Zuko in their time dating, it was that Zuko would never raise his voice against his father, never mind lift a finger.

She had never seen Prince Zuko beg before, and his words— the desperation in them— cut her to the core. 

His father’s reply barely registered with her as he roared at his son, unyielding. 

_ Get up! Fight!  _ she begged in her head. The sick feeling sinking low in her gut screamed out, warning of something horrible to come.  _ Firebend! Do something!  _ She wanted to call out, though she knew Zuko would not. 

Tears pricked at her eyes as she watched Zuko sink to the floor of the ring, baring his neck to his father. 

“I meant you no disrespect! I am your loyal son!” 

Zuko’s voice cracked, and Mai felt her heart break. 

How Fire Lord Ozai could stand there, so unforgiving and impassive, seeing his own son bowing before him, Mai would never understand. 

Listening to Zuko begging not to fight… She fumbled for Ty Lee’s hand, clinging to her friend as she never had before.

“You  _ will  _ learn respect.” The snarl in the Fire Lord’s words shook the arena. “And suffering will be your teacher!”

He raised a hand, thick black smoke rising from between his fingers. 

Mai could not tear her gaze away as the smoke sparked into orange flames, lapping hungrily from between the Fire Lord’s fingers, arching viciously as he brought his hand down in one, swift, brutal motion. 

For a moment, Mai thought the Fire Lord would slap him.

But his palm connected with Zuko’s face with a sickening  _ crack  _ and bowled him over backwards, his back bending painfully as his father forced him from his knees into the ground, trapping his legs beneath him. His head struck the stone floor and he reached up to scrabble at his father’s arm, trying to pry it from his face. 

And then the screams began. 

The tears that had been welling in Mai’s eyes fell freely down her cheeks, but she did not dare make a sound. She could not look away. Ty Lee whimpered as Mai’s grip on her hand turned brutal, squeezing so tightly her fingers cramped.

Zuko’s spine arched up off the ground, his arms falling slack to his sides.

“He’s going to kill him!” Ty Lee whispered, her voice stricken with horror. 

Mai wished she could block it all out. 

The sounds. The smell. The sight of Zuko, so small beneath the Fire Lord, so thin and frail.

Finally, Fire Lord Ozai stood, turning from his son as he would a stranger, barking orders at no one in particular to “Go get him cleaned up.” 

And he raised his hands in victory. 

The crowd cheered. 

Mai could not tear her eyes from Zuko, curled up into a ball at his father’s feet, his hands clutching his face.

_ How could this have happened?  _

Medics hurried onto the stage, ferrying the prince away. Fire Lord Ozai did not give him a backwards glance as he retrieved his ceremonial cloth from the floor and draped it back over his shoulders, his expression unreadable. He did not follow his son away into the palace, but instead stepped off the stage and made his way to the box where the high ranking officials sat.

She could hardly believe her eyes. 

“Mai…” Ty Lee whispered, extricating herself from her friend’s fingers. “Are you alright?”

Mai stood, clenching her fists. “I’m perfectly fine,” she said. 

“Your aura is black! Are you—”

“Not now, Ty Lee. I need to get to Zuko.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend texted me to go "I thought this is fluff!" over the phone. Late apologies for the hard turn into angst.


	6. The Banished Prince

Mai shouldered her way through the crowd, Ty Lee on her heels. She could see Azula’s slight figure just ahead, speaking to one of the generals. The princess glanced over her shoulder, and for a split second, their eyes met. 

With a word to the general, Azula pushed her way towards Mai, stalking through the crush of bodies with her head held high. “What’s wrong, Mai? You look pale.” She brushed her hair back from her face with a flourish. “Well, paler than usual.”

“Azula, your brother—” Ty Lee leaned forward, her round eyes wide.

“He challenged our father. Tradition demands an Agni Kai.” She shrugged, her hands on her hips. “If Father hadn’t acted, he would have looked weak in front of his generals. And he couldn’t have that.” 

Mai opened her mouth to speak and halted, the words dying on her tongue. It was not her place to challenge Azula.

“Besides,” Azula placed a hand on her shoulder and offered her a smile. “You are now friends with the crown princess of the Fire Nation.”

The cold pit in Mai’s stomach deepened into an abyss at the words. “You mean Zuko’s…?”

“Not dead, don’t look so frightened. He’s banished, until he can restore his honor.”

“Banished?” Mai fought to keep her voice steady. “Where is he now? The infirmary?”

“In his chamber. Uncle Iroh is with him,” Azula replied. “Are you going to break up with him?”

The question was startling. Somehow, in the face of possibly never seeing him again, the labels of their relationship seemed insignificant. “I’m going to him,” she said over her shoulder, turning on her heel to stride towards the royal family’s wing as quickly as her feet could carry her without breaking into a run. 

The tapestries of Fire Lords past seemed to glare down at her as she walked. She saw little of Zuko in their faces. 

Her thoughts whirled as she rounded the corner, hurrying toward the room at the end of the hall.  _ How could he do such a thing to his son? Did he not see the pain in his eyes?  _ Her loyalties were playing tug of war in her gut.  _ Why are  _ you  _ questioning the Fire Lord, Mai? Grown high and mighty since you started kissing his son?  _

_ Zuko— Poor Zuko.  _ She was not ready to see him. 

She was not ready to say goodbye. 

She knocked on his door anyway. 

“The door is open!” Mai recognized Iroh’s voice coming from inside the room. 

She gave the door a hesitant push, her resolve faltering the closer she came to the threshold. 

Nothing could have prepared her for the sight of her boyfriend, lying as still as a corpse on his own bed, Iroh kneeling beside him. 

“Mai is here to see you,” Iroh told him, rising from the floor. “I will brew you both some tea. You need to drink something, Prince Zuko. It will keep you from going into shock.” He pulled a tea kettle and two teacups from the bag at his feet. As he noticed Mai hovering at the door, he beckoned her closer. “See that he does not take the poultice from his eye. I gave him some herbs that will soothe the burn, but there is only so much that I can do.” 

“Thank you, Iroh.” Mai placed her fist into her open palm and bowed.

Iroh returned the gesture, giving her a smile tight with pain. 

“How bad is it?” She sat gingerly on the bed beside Zuko, trying to see the burn beneath the rag that he held to his eye.

“Not as bad as it looks,” he rasped. “It doesn’t hurt as much as it did at first.”

“That is because your nerves are damaged,” Iroh called.

“Oh.” Zuko’s face fell. “I guess it is that bad.” 

Mai could see the tear tracks beneath Zuko’s good eye, and her heart clenched. “I can’t believe he would do that to you.”

A heavy sigh wracked Zuko’s frame, rattling in his chest. Even his breath smelled burnt. There was no other way to describe it. While Zuko always smelled of smoke to some degree, the acrid smell of burnt hair and flesh stung Mai’s nose. 

She reached for his hand, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

“It was my fault, Mai. I should not have spoken out at that meeting. Uncle Iroh warned me not to, but I did anyway.”

“It is not your fault, Prince Zuko.”

He fought to raise his head, a labor that had him gasping for air. “Please, Uncle, not now.” His stricken eyes turned on Mai, and he clutched at her wrists with weak fingers. “Mai, please. Don’t think badly of my father. I should not have been so foolish. And I should have fought, if only to make him happy.” He strained towards her, trying to look her in the eye. 

Mai sighed and reached for him, gently pulling his head into her lap. “Zuko…”

“My father does not want a weak son. I was too weak to fight him, and now I am too weak to even sit up. I have lost my honor because I was too weak to defend it.”

“And now you’re banished,” she whispered, the word striking her to the core. 

“Until I can restore my honor.” Zuko’s good eye flickered feverishly. “Once I find the Avatar, everything will go back to the way it was. I can return home, to my father, to you—” a cough cut him off, and he covered his mouth with the hand that he had been using to press the rag to his eye. 

It did not escape her notice that they were stained red.

“Your honor depends on finding a person no one has seen in one hundred years? How will you fight him? How will you track him?”

“I’ll get a ship, a crew. I know I can do it! I’ll have my fire bending, my swords, the knife skills you taught me.” He touched his eye ruefully. “I guess my dominant eye isn’t my dominant one anymore.”

Of course.  _ His left eye. _

Had it really been so long ago that he had held up his hands, his amber eyes glowing bright as he looked at her from between his fingers, happy that they had the same eye dominance?

Her vision blurred, and Zuko flinched as teardrops splattered his face. 

“Don’t go,” she choked out. 

“They’ll kill me if I don’t.” His voice cracked on the words. Mai could feel his body shuddering. 

With each passing moment, the reality set in deeper. 

She leaned down to press her mouth to his, cupping his cheeks as hard as she dared, trying to memorize the feel of his skin beneath her fingers, the smell of him, undercut by the metallic scent of blood. 

He groaned, jerking away from her touch.

“What?”

“It hurts,” he gasped out, “my eye.” 

She pulled away to smooth his sweaty hair back from his forehead. “I’m sorry. I thought the nerves were numb.”

“Apparently not all of them.” He pulled away the rag to squint at the bloodstained fabric.

Mai caught her breath as she saw the skin beneath it. She had seen burns before, but never this bad. The reddened skin was blackened, blistered, and strangely textured, as if bubbles were trapped beneath it. The eye itself was entirely swollen shut, so badly burned that she wondered if Zuko would still be able to see out of it. 

“Will it scar?” she asked softly.

Zuko shrugged, awkward from his lying down position. He pressed the rag back over his eye with a grimace. 

“Most likely,” Iroh replied, rising from his seat on the ground. He carried two steaming cups of tea in his hands. 

“Thank you,” Mai said softly. 

“Do I have to drink it?” Zuko muttered. 

“Yes, nephew. It will help you feel better,” he nodded to Mai. “Can you help him sit up?” Iroh brought the cup to his lips and blew gently. She tried to copy his delicate touch as she cradled Zuko’s head, shifting him so that he rested against her shoulder. His uncle set the cup against his lips. 

“You’re treating me like a child.” Zuko glowered up at him. 

“I’m taking care of you,” Iroh replied, “because you are suffering from third degree burns.”

“Just drink it, Zuko,” Mai sighed. 

He drained the cup, his expression pained. 

“Good.” She pressed a kiss to his cheekbone. 

A sharp pounding on the door startled all three of them. “Ten minutes left!” a gruff voice called through the door. 

Iroh set the remaining teacup on the bedside table and dipped his head. “The tea is for you, Mai. I will leave you both alone to say goodbye.” 

He turned away, but not before Mai saw the way his eyes dimmed at the word  _ goodbye.  _ Her heart sank. If Iroh did not have much hope of Zuko returning, what chance did he have?”

Zuko reached up to grip her wrist, and Mai jumped. 

“What is it?”

“Nothing.” She pressed a kiss to his palm before lacing her fingers with his. Her voice was thick when she spoke. “I can’t believe this is goodbye.”

“It isn’t,” his hand tightened painfully on hers. “I will find the avatar and restore my honor. I will return home before my eye even heals. I _will,_ ” He pressed his mouth to her ear, “I will make my father and you proud of me.” The prince sagged back against the bed, looking spent.   
“I am proud of you, Zuko.” Mai replied, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. “This doesn’t change my feelings for you.” 

“Mai, I—” A sob hitched in Zuko’s chest. He pressed his forearms over his eyes, gasping for breath. “I love you,” He tore his hands through his hair, his good eye squeezed shut. “I should have said it sooner. I thought I would have more time.” 

Mai reached out to unravel his fingers from his hair and held them tightly, clinging to him against the wave of emotion rising in her chest. “I love you too, Zuko.” She pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, careful not to be too rough. “But you know I can’t wait for you,” she murmured against his mouth. “If you die, if you can’t return…”

“What are you saying?”

“My parents will have expectations. You know they will.” She found she could not look him full in the face. “If I wait for you, I’ll only break their heart and mine.”

The rag hit the ground with a splat. 

Zuko hauled himself upright, glaring at her fiercely. Slowly, painfully, he turned his back to her, sinking low into himself. “Fine,” he snarled, his voice thick with pain. 

“Fine,” Mai rose to her feet. She exhaled, an inch from turning on her heel, when she remembered his face as he had told her he loved her. “Zuko.”

“What now?”

“Is this really how we’re going to leave it?” 

He gave a long sigh. “No.” He turned his head slowly, watching her out of the corner of his good eye. “I meant what I said, Mai. I love you.”

“I meant what I said too.” She folded her hands into her sleeves. “Can we agree on that? We love each other.”

“Of course I can.”

“Can you also agree that neither of us can make any promises?” Mai stepped closer to him and fished the bloodstained rag off the ground. “We both know our fates are out of our control. Don’t make me any promises you can’t keep, and I won’t make any either.”

Both Mai and Zuko jumped as the door slammed open, and two soldiers marched into the room. “Time to go,” the first one boomed, his voice tinny from under his armor. 

For the first time in her life, they did not seem all the way human to Mai. 

Zuko drew himself upright, painstakingly slowly, his chin held high. 

Mai fully expected him to walk past her without acknowledgement, with the stiff formal air he was putting on for the soldiers. 

Then arms were wrapping around her neck, and chapped lips were against hers. She buried her hands in his hair, almost forgetting to be gentle as the realization that this was possibly her last kiss with Zuko crashed over her. She wanted him closer. She wanted the soldiers gone. She wanted to go with him. She wanted to pull her knives from her sleeve and fight. She wanted so many things, all of them impossible, and she poured her wanting into holding him tightly. 

“Alright, break it up,” one of the guards sighed, seizing the back of the prince’s collar.

“This isn’t goodbye,” Zuko whispered, squeezing her hand just as he was jerked backwards. He cried out as his head snapped back, the hand not clutching hers flying up to grasp at his eye. 

Mai held on, even as they were pulled apart inch by inch, his sweaty hand sliding out of hers far too quickly. 

The cold of the air was biting as her fingers parted from Zuko’s.

They dragged him backwards towards the door, unyielding, as he met her eyes with an expression of panicked desperation, half his face running with blood and sweat. “Wait! WAIT!” He called, his voice broken. “I can walk. Let me walk.” 

They eased their grip, allowing Zuko just enough slack to regain his footing. 

With one last, pining look at Mai, he marched with them out of his own bedroom.

The door swung shut behind them with a grim note of finality.

For the first time since she could remember, Mai cried out, her voice hoarse. The wounded sound shattered through whatever facade of calm she had managed to scrape together in the last few moments, and she sank to her knees.

Mai knew she would pull herself together eventually. It was what she did.

But for now, she wept. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all, I just noticed a glitch that is putting my notes from the first few chapters on the end of the most recent chapters. I don't know if you all are seeing it as well, but I'm trying to figure it out.


	7. Off Kilter

The tea Mai had left on the bedside table was long since cold in its cup by the time she emerged from Zuko’s room. The skin of her face felt oddly stiff with drying tears, an uncomfortable sensation that would not go away, no matter how many times she wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

She kept her head down as she walked back to her room, hoping that no one would comment on her smeared makeup. 

No one did. 

It was almost worse to see the faces of the nobles that passed her by, as their features twisted into exaggerated expressions of pity. Seeing them left a bitter taste in her mouth. 

She was halfway to her bedroom when she stopped short, ignoring the strange looks cast her way. What was she going to do once she got there, anyway? Lie on her bed and wallow? 

Her mind made up, Mai turned on her heel and stalked towards the training field. This time, the passerby ducked out of her way as they recognized the fierce look on her face, the determination in her stride. 

She shook out her sleeve, freeing the first of the knives strapped to her arm before the targets even came into view. 

She rounded the corner and threw the first knife without looking. 

A satisfying  _ thunk  _ rang out as it sank into the target. Mai did not stop to check whether it had struck the center, using the momentum of her body to land in a dive roll, throwing her weight down onto her left elbow and throwing with her right. Another  _ thunk.  _ Another knife, this time in her left hand as she popped up on her knee and flung it as hard as she could. 

It sank to the hilt in the last target, ripping deep enough to send hay trailing into the air. 

She didn’t bother to pull it as she sighted down her arm at the first target once again. This blade clanged against its twin as it landed off center once again, just a hair’s breadth from her first throw. 

At least she was consistent. How much better would she throw if she imagined the target was the Fire Lord’s face?

_ No!  _ She cut herself off, shaking her head. This was  _ not  _ the time to add treason to her list of transgressions. 

Mai drew another knife back to her face, noting the fine tremble in her fingers with annoyance. 

It sank to the right of the second target’s center, fishtailing all the way. 

So her body was betraying her instead. Just great. 

She took a breath, trying to still her body, and marched to pull her knives. She was calm. She would not shake. Her body was the one thing she could control, and she had not trained as long or as hard as she had to have it fall apart now.  No matter how much she tried to believe it, the motion of returning her blades beneath her sleeves took longer than usual. 

Another set, another dive roll. 

Three knives flew wide, the first by inches, the next by less than a foot, the third— 

Mai cursed as she missed the rhythm of her routine, her elbow striking painfully against the ground—

The third knife missed the target entirely. 

_ No.  _ “This will  _ not  _ make you sloppy,” she hissed aloud, drawing another three knives from her sleeve. 

She forced her aching muscles into another round, and another, until there were no other thoughts in her head but that of the repetition, the feel of the knives leaving her hand.

She did not stop until the knives struck home in the target’s center, one time, two times, three times over. Until she lost count, and each bullseye meant less than the last.

There was only one outcome to each knife that she would allow herself. 

Uniform, dead center. 

How boring. 

They did nothing to relieve the boiling frustration in her chest that had risen higher with every mistake she had made. 

“I thought I would find you here, Mai.” The voice cut through her thoughts, sharper than any of the blades in her arsenal. 

Mai pressed her lips together, forcing herself to stand up straight. “Yes, father?” 

If her father, still in his pressed black and red robes, not a hair out of place from his topknot, was shaken from the events of this morning, he did not show it. “I have news, and I believe it is good news. Your mother and I have been talking to the Fire Lord.” He rested a hand on Mai’s shoulder, his eyes wrinkling into a bright smile that she did not return. “Now that Azula is next in line for the throne, he wants to send her to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. He thinks it would be beneficial for you and Ty Lee to accompany her.” 

She shrugged. “Sure. Whatever.” It was not as though she had a choice, if both her father and the Fire Lord were in support of her attendance. 

“I thought you would be more excited.”

“Forgive me if today hasn’t garnered much excitement.” Mai shrugged, harder this time, and her father’s hand dropped back to his side.

“That is one of the reasons we think it best. As of right now, you are reputed to be affiliated with Banished Prince Zuko. Going away for the two years it would take for you to complete the Academy’s program would give you a new beginning when you returned.”

_ So that’s what this is about.  _

“Think about it, Mai. You need this for your future.”

“I never said I wouldn’t go,” she replied, turning away from him to pull her blades. 

“Very good. For now, I believe Ty Lee is waiting for you. I think she was in the hall outside your bedroom.”

“Thank you, father.” Mai replied, focusing on sheathing her blades in the straps that spiraled up her arm. “May I go find her now?”

He waved his hand, turning to look at the hay bales she had pulverized. “I take it that you were the one who made that many holes in the center of these targets?”

“Who else?” Mai said over her shoulder. She knew by now not to expect a _ good job _ from him. It was better to leave the range, hurry to her room, and see what Ty Lee wanted. 

Ty Lee's bubbly attitude was not what Mai needed right now, but if she was being honest, she had no idea what it was she needed.

Her friend stood leaning against the wall beside the door to Mai’s room, a bright pink bag the likes of which Mai had never seen before looped over her shoulder. It was a monstrosity of beads and fringe, and big enough that Ty Lee could feasibly have just about anything inside it.

“Hey, Ty Lee. I heard you were looking for me?”

“Yes!” She wrapped her arms around Mai’s neck, kicking a foot into the air. She pulled away, bouncing back to hold up her bag. “I know things are hard right now, so we are having a girl’s night! Azula can’t make it because of some new responsibilities her father has for her, so it’ll just be us!”

“Ty Lee,” Mai placed her hands on her friend’s shoulders to steady her. “Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I don’t think I’m up to anything high energy right now.”

“That’s the point of a girl’s night! Not to do anything super high energy! Besides,” she held up her bag, “if there’s anything that’ll fix that sad face, it’s an entire bowl of fire flakes.” 

“Is  _ that  _ what you have in there?”

“Among other things,” Ty Lee grinned. “Come on. It’s Operation Make My Best Friend Feel Better.” She pulled Mai into her own room and dragged her over to the bed. “Sit here.” 

Mai watched, bemused, as she bent over and rifled through her bag. 

“Aha! Fire flakes!” she turned to thrust a smaller, drawstring bag into Mai’s hands. “You eat, and tell me everything that’s going on with you.”

“I’m not good at the talking thing, Ty Lee.”

“You only have to talk as you feel comfortable with. I’m here to make you feel better, not to force you into anything.” She gave Mai such a warm, genuine smile that she could not help but smile back. Ty Lee punched a fist into the air. “That’s a start! Now here,” she pulled her bag into her lap and held up a fistful of ribbons and a hair brush. “I want to do your hair.”

Mai shrugged. “Whatever you want.” 

She blinked, her bright expression fading at her friend's flat tone. 

“Thank you, Ty Lee. It means a lot,” Mai murmured, reaching out for her hand. “I may not express myself well, but I hope you know how important you are to me.”

“Of course I do!” Ty Lee pulled her into a tight hug. “Have I ever talked to you about love languages?” She crawled across the bed behind her as she spoke, surprisingly graceful for having her hands full.

“No, you haven’t. What are they?” Mai pulled open the bag of fire flakes and tossed a handful into her mouth, relishing in the cheesy, spicy crunch between her teeth. 

“Well, there’s words of affirmation, or saying nice things, physical touch, which is mine,” she squeezed Mai’s shoulders from behind and began to undo the tight red ribbons in her hair, “giving and receiving gifts, acts of service, or doing nice things, and finally, spending quality time with them!” Ty Lee began to run the brush through her hair, and she could not help but relax further. The longer her friend talked, the more the knot in her chest loosened. “Yours is quality time. You always take the time to listen to me, spar with me, and show up for me. That’s how I know you care.” 

“I don’t know,” she replied, “You say a lot of nice things, and you do a lot of nice things for people, on top of giving hugs.”

“I like doing whatever makes people happy. It makes me happy too!” 

“So what’s Azula’s love language?”

“Gifts. She’s very thoughtful about picking them out for people! Remember when she got you those knives for your birthday? Don't tell her I told you this, but she spent ages trying to find the perfect ones.” Ty Lee leaned close, her deft hands pulling Mai’s hair into a plait. “That’s how I know you guys care, even though we don’t all express ourselves the same way.” She wrapped her in a hug from behind. “Now go look in the mirror and tell me what you think!” 

Mai rose to her feet slowly, licking the Fire Flake dust from her hands. Her head was still stuck on what she had said earlier. The quality time love language Ty Lee had described sounded a lot like Zuko as well. She quickly pulled her thoughts back to the present, frowning and quickening her pace towards her vanity. 

Ty Lee had left her bangs alone, but her hair hung in a thick braid, beginning at the nape of her neck before curling over her shoulder. It was modest, yet elegant in a way that she liked. “Thanks, Ty Lee,” she said, stroking her fingers over the silky plait. 

“You’re welcome!” she replied, popping up over Mai’s shoulder in the mirror’s reflection and dropping a handful of bottles and brushes on the vanity. She rested her chin on Mai’s shoulder. “I’ll let you do my makeup however you want if you let me do yours however I want.”

“Now,  _ that  _ sounds like a deal,” Mai replied, reaching for the thinnest brush and the bottle of black eyeliner.

Thirty minutes later, Ty Lee was sporting spidery wings of dark eyeliner and deep red lipstick, and Mai could barely recognize herself in the mirror beneath the sheen of pink gloss on her lips and just enough blush that her pale skin appeared flushed. 

“It’s sparkly.” She deadpanned, turning her head this way and that as the light played off her now-glossy mouth. 

“Eh, not my favorite.” Ty Lee piped up, pressing her hand to her mouth to leave a blood red kiss mark on her palm. 

Mai turned away from the mirror to meet her friend’s eyes, uncharacteristically dark from the makeup—

—and burst out laughing.

“What?” Ty Lee giggled, striking a ridiculous pose and bumping her shoulder into Mai’s. “You don’t think we look  _ fabulous?”  _

They fell over each other, unable to hold each other’s gaze without bursting into laughter. While the ache in Mai’s chest was still present, in that moment, it was not nearly as all-consuming as the ache in her ribs.

  
  



	8. The Fire Nation Academy for Girls

Mai’s first impression of the academy was  _ grey.  _

It was also her second and third impressions.

Grey outer walls, sapped of color by the early morning light, rising into a square grey roof, grey halls hung with ancient looking faded tapestries, and grey people, stiff and formal.

For someone used to living amongst the bright reds and golds of the fire palace, it was incredibly dreary. Mai could feel her interest fading with every step she took, walking silently beside Azula and Ty Lee as the Headmistress showed them around the school.

“What do you guys think?” Ty Lee asked, skipping along on Azula’s other side.

“We’ve seen nothing of their curriculum yet,” Azula sniffed, just loud enough that the Headmistress stiffened. “Ask me again tonight, once we’ve put their classes to the test.”

“It’s boring,” Mai muttered. The tour had proved that much. She was not looking forward to spending the next two years rotating between the classrooms, her dorm, and the drab looking courtyard they were to take their breaks in. 

“Each morning, you will change into your uniforms and meet in the meal hall for breakfast and morning attendance. I will be presenting the three of you during the morning announcements in—” the Headmistress withdrew a heavy silver pocket watch from her pocket and peered at it through a pair of thick spectacles, “About now, actually. Come, ladies. We must be punctual.” Without so much as a glance back at them, she lifted her skirts and hurried down the hall. 

A young man stood beside the door at the end of the hall, dressed in a grey and red vest that somehow looked even more boring than the rest of the uniforms Mai had seen— something that did not stop Ty Lee from shooting him a wink. He bowed deeply as he saw them approach, and pulled the heavy door open with a grand air.

“Good morning, girls!” the Headmistress thundered, her heels clicking sharply on the floor as she entered the room.

A dozen pairs of eyes turned towards them, flurries of whispers breaking out from the table. All of the girls seemed thunderstruck by the sight of Azula, their eyes darting between the Headmistress and the young princess with apprehension.

“I said  _ good morning, girls!”  _

“Goodmorning, Headmistress Kim,” the students intoned.

“That’s better. Now, presenting our three newest students!” She stepped aside, waving a hand at the trio. “Give a warm welcome to Crown Princess Azula,”

Azula inclined her head, smiling beatifically. 

“Miss Ty Lee,”

Ty Lee waved excitedly.

“And Mai.”

Mai shrugged, her arms folded. Most of the girls had their eyes on Azula anyway. 

The Headmistress turned back to them, dropping her voice to a murmur. “Now, go get your uniforms on. Your first class is in classroom A— the first one I showed you. Chang will show you to your rooms.”

The boy holding the door gave a small wave, smiling shyly. 

Azula rolled her eyes, but they followed him as he motioned them back into the hallway, falling into step beside Ty Lee. 

Less than five minutes later, Mai was pulling the grey starched shift and high collared vest over her head and tying it tightly with the grey sash sitting on her narrow dorm bed. At least the sleeves were long enough to her to buckle on her arm sheaths. 

The shoes left for her pinched at the toes— a pair of shiny black boots that would be the only thing she liked about the ensemble if they were more comfortable. There was little that was remarkable about the uniform, and even less about the dorm room. From the bed to the small mirror on the wall opposite it, to the closet hung with identical pieces of clothing, the room was somehow even more dull than the rest of the academy. 

She approached the mirror cautiously, already suspicious of her reflection. She favored wearing black because it did not show stains, but grey? She frowned at the mirror, pulling at the long sleeves of the grey shirt. She had never seen herself look so washed out. At least the vest matched the ribbons in her hair. 

“Not that I care,” she said aloud. She wasn’t about to give the other students  _ that  _ satisfaction. Frowning, she tugged the ribbons out, sending her hair tumbling down her back and into her face. She blew at her hair, sending her bangs fluttering. The strands of hair stayed stubbornly where they were. 

“Whatever, I’ll fix it later,” she muttered, pushing it back over her shoulder. 

Setting her shoulders, she hurried out the door. There was only one place her mind needed to be right now, and that was class.

Everyone was already in their seats by the time Mai, Azula, and Ty Lee entered. Three seats sat open in the front of the room, something that Mai suspected had more to do with Azula being a princess than them being the new students.

As the teacher launched into a summary of Fire Nation history, the dark haired girl sitting behind them leaned over to tap Azula on the shoulder.

“Excuse me,” she whispered, “I’m Sia, and I’m at the top of the class, so tell me you need help understanding the material.”

“Not to worry, Sia. I am sure I will have no trouble catching up,” Azula replied, her tone icy.

“I didn’t mean that,” Sia’s eyes widened. 

“Well, then what did you mean?”

“I just meant that a lot of new girls have trouble with this class,” she quickly said.

“Well, I’m sure these  _ new girls  _ are fully capable of crushing you, Miss  _ Top of Class,  _ academically, physically, and mentally.”

“I meant—” Sia’s eyes darted to Mai’s, clearly looking for help.

She shook her head slightly.

“Nevermind, princess.” Sia dropped her head back down to her desk.

“That’s what I thought.”

“She was just being nice,” Ty Lee whispered, leaning over Mai.

“She was just looking for someone to brag to. I know how new people are treated in places like this, and I fully expect to be at the top of the pack,” Azula retorted. “Now, if we could all pay attention, I fully intend to carry out my promise of being top of the class.”

By the time lunch ended two classes later—etiquette and strategy— most of the girls regarded Azula and Mai with a kind of nervous respect and kept their distance. Ty Lee, on the other hand, stood giggling with a group of girls across the room, looking for all the world like she had known them all her life.

“So… etiquette class,” Mai started, pulling her gaze away and folding her arms. “It felt like just another day with our parents.”

Azula smoothed her hair, her lips quirking. “If those girls couldn’t walk straight with a scroll balanced on their head, they would never survive the classes. I can both walk  _ and _ perform a firebending kata with a bowl of flaming coals on the top of my head without sending a single spark into the air.”

“Impressive.” she shrugged. “My parents stuck with the scroll.” She tapped her lip. “And the occasional apple.”

The princess smirked. “That really brings me back.”

“No.” 

Azula snickered. “I meant our poise classes together. What were  _ you _ thinking of?” 

Mai was saved from answering by Ty Lee skipping up to them, a bright smile on her face. “You should give Sia and her friends another chance, Azula! They’re all really sweet. They’ve invited me to the kitchens tonight to bake cookies with them!” She grabbed Azula’s hand. “What do you say?” 

“I suppose it might be advantageous to get to know them better.” 

Mai shrugged, staying silent. While baking with girls who were practically strangers sounded boring, it was a step up from whatever else tonight had to offer. 

Ty Lee shot a grin and a thumbs up towards the group behind her. “Sounds perfect! What class is next?”

Azula laced her hands together with a pop, a toothy smile spreading over her face. “Combat.”

\---

“And I want to see a clean match,” the combat instructor called out, “we have a mix of benders and nonbenders here, so today we’re going to do bare hand to hand combat. Simple forms, like I’ve been showing you.”

“How boring,” Mai muttered.

Ty Lee stuck her hand in the air. “Does chi blocking count as fighting dirty?” 

“Surely, you have not learned—” The instructor blinked, suddenly speechless. “That is a… very advanced form,” she said after a moment, her throat working. “To level the playing field, I’m going to have to say it's banned. Besides,” she added, a patronizing smile on her face, “Many of these girls have been training with us for quite some time now. We wouldn’t want to throw new students into the ring without proper preparation. This is just to set a baseline for what you three can do.” She clapped her hands. “Alright, girls! Let’s make teams of three!” 

Ty Lee wrapped Azula and Mai in a bear hug. “Let’s do this!” 

The instructor brought two fingers to her lips and let out a long whistle. “Begin!” 

Immediately, the courtyard descended into chaos. The instructor danced between the battling groups, shouting  _ “Out!”  _ whenever anyone was struck down. 

The trio dropped into a fighting stance as the first group of three students peeled off from the larger group and came at them, yelling. 

The smallest of the girls sprang at Ty Lee, and Mai could not help but smile darkly. From the looks of her, she had judged her as the weakest link. Boy, were they into a surprise.

She did not have time to watch as the next girl aimed a kick at her head. The strike was well aimed, but no match for the precision of a master markswoman. 

Mai ducked under her swinging leg and swept a foot out, dropping her before she could return both feet to the ground. 

She straightened to see Ty Lee with her legs wrapped around the smallest girl’s neck as she staggered around, trying to unseat the acrobat sitting on her shoulders.

Azula had taken down her opponent with zero preamble, grinning as she stood over her with her foot on her solar plexus. “These are the girls who have been training with this academy for so long? They will have to hire new instructors if they want to keep up with us!” 

“I thought they would put up more of a fight,” Mai added, as Ty Lee’s opponent finally collapsed, face first onto the ground. She bounced away to land on her feet, flicking her long braid behind her with a giggle.

Between the three of them and the rest of the class, it did not take very long until only three other groups remained standing. 

“Final four!” the instructor called out. She nodded approvingly at them. “You’ve done well. It seems like that palace hasn’t just been pampering you lot. Time to raise the stakes!” she called out, “Any form goes!” she whistled again, waving the remaining students forward. “It’s anyone’s game, girls!”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Instructor.” Bright orange fire sparked in Azula’s hands. “It’s our game now.”

Mai ducked as Ty Lee went flying over her head, cartwheeling towards the nearest girls, who scattered. Two of them went down beneath the acrobat’s fingers, muscles turned to mush as their chi stopped short. 

“Firebender and circus freak,” a harsh voice snarled as one of the taller girls stepped between Mai and her teammates. “What is it that you do?” 

“Come find out!” Mai waved her forward with her right hand, palming at her knives with her left. 

The girl yelled as she whipped her hands forward, sending an enormous blast of fire towards Mai, so hot the cobblestones beneath their feet blackened as the blast hurtled towards her. 

She threw herself to the side, throwing her blades towards her aggressor as she flew backwards. They clattered to the ground under the force of the fire and Mai caught her breath as she felt the heat of the flames on her face. 

“Knives? Are you going to give me a haircut?” The girl advanced on her, rubbing her sooty palms together. “At least your circus freak friend has more than lame party tricks.” She lunged forward to punctuate her sentence, swiping through the air with another burst of flame. 

Mai did not even bother to throw her knives this time, diving to the ground and rolling underneath the girl’s outstretched arm. If it were Azula, she would turn and send fire at Mai before she had the chance to rise to her feet. 

Instead the girl shouted again. “What, out of knives?” 

That was all the confirmation Mai needed. 

Her opponent sent another wave of fire at her, and this time, the moment the flames of the fireball petered out, Mai struck. 

Four knives sliced through the air, hurtling towards her opponent with dizzying speed.

She smirked. “You missed.”

“Did I?” Mai nodded to where her knives pinned the other girl’s clothing to the courtyard wall, trapping her hands against the painted wood. “I wish I could say I enjoyed this, but…” She suppressed a yawn and turned back towards the battlefield, where Azula lashed out with sweeps of brilliant flame, and Ty Lee dodged punches with the dexterity of a fox antelope. With the students’ attention on her allies, it was not difficult for Mai to throw another few blades and pin the last of the girls up against the courtyard walls.

“This was fun,” Azula commented, as the instructor gave a loud whistle.

Mai shrugged. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“What was that?” the instructor called out, marching over to the trio. “You took out nine trained girls in less than a minute!” She gave a wild grin, pinching out a spark of flame clinging to her hair. “I think I’m going to like you girls.”

Needless to say, Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula did not end up baking cookies with their classmates that night. 

  
  



	9. An Academy Training Montage

Instructor Minli, whose name meant  _ quick thinking,  _ as Mai and her friends soon learned, took a special shine to the three Fire Palace girls. 

Within a week, she was already working with Azula to create hotter fire. “Your fire is already impressive,” she had told the princess, “But how much farther can we push it?”

Mai sat in the courtyard beside Ty Lee as they watched her stand beside Azula, wearing thick metal blacksmith’s gloves, as Azula concentrated on the deep orange fire flickering before her. 

“Come on, Princess, what drives you?” Minli called out, “What is your passion?”

“Being the best firebender in the Nation.”

“You’re a born prodigy, you’ve been trained to say that since birth.  _ Why _ do you want to be the best firebender in the nation?”

“What is this, group counseling?” 

“You know as well as I that firebending comes from passion. What drives you? What makes you angry? What makes you burn up inside?” 

“This is going to be interesting,” Mai muttered to Ty Lee. 

“I don’t like the energy she’s bringing out of Azula,” she replied, gripping her sleeve, “Are they sure this is a good idea?” 

Azula glared at the fire, the muscles in her hands tensing as she held them higher over the flickering flames.

“Who has hurt you the most?” Minli shouted out, pressing close to Azula’s face. 

She did not speak a word, but Mai recognized the expression that flickered in her eyes for the split second before her features closed once again. She had first seen that look in Zuko’s eyes on the night his mother had left, and again on the Agni Kai stage. For that moment, the siblings looked so alike that she caught her breath, suddenly nauseous. 

“You have to care to let someone else hurt you,” Azula retorted, her voice high and mocking.

The flames burned brighter, higher, reddening into a deep scarlet.

“You can deflect, but your fire can’t. Keep going!” Minli grabbed the princess’s hand and pushed it forward towards the flames, her gloves sizzling. 

Mai leaned backwards as the heat in the courtyard rose past the point of uncomfortable. “I don’t even need to see auras to know what hers is doing now,” she murmured to Ty Lee, shielding her face. 

“If you fail, what will become of you?” 

Azula’s fists clenched over the fire, and the smell of burning getting more pungent by the moment. She squeezed her eyes shut, the air around her wavering with the sheer heat of her body. 

_ “What will you become!” _

A shimmering sheet of pure blue fire rose into the air, sending white spots flickering over Mai’s vision. Ty Lee’s grip on her sleeve doubled. For once, she seemed entirely speechless.

The fire simmered back down as Azula stepped away, breathing heavily.

“Very good,” Instructor Minli said, placing her fist in her open palm to bow, “I knew you had it in you from the moment I first saw you bend. From now on, you and I will be working on getting you up to that flame temperature without all of the fuss.”

Azula still stood, staring at her hands as if she could not believe what she had just conjured. Then she smiled up at Minli, the curve of her mouth sharpening. “I look forward to our lessons, Instructor.” 

\---

The next day, Instructor Minli approached Mai and her friends after combat class with her hands behind her back. “I have something for you,” she said, holding up a contraption made up of leather and linked metal. 

“Ooh, is that a new sheath?” Ty Lee piped up, peering closely at it. 

“Not quite. It goes around your wrist.” She handed the object to Mai with a grin just shy of manic.

She frowned at it suspiciously as she bucked its straps around her wrist. The loops seemed too small to hold knives, yet there were notches cut in the leather to clearly secure something _.  _

“Now, fling out your arm like you are going to throw something, and fan out your fingers as wide as you can,” Minli said, modeling the action she described. 

Mai followed suit, and was startled to hear a metallic pop that reverberated all the way up her arm. Looking down, she saw that tiny springs had emerged from the slits in the cuff. “Not just a sheath,” she mused aloud, “it’s a launcher.” 

The Instructor nodded. “It is made to fire crossbow bolts.” 

“Efficient and deadly,” Azula nodded, “I approve.” 

“As soon as you get the feel of it, I’ll give you the bolts, and you can start training with it during combat class.”

Mai rolled her shoulders, feeling the weight of the holster on her wrist, the way it nestled against her skin, so much like her knife sheaths. It was well made and tight fitting, so that when she moved, it felt like an extension of her arm. “I’m ready.”

“Really?” Instructor Minli’s brow creased. “Are you sure?” 

“I’m positive.” 

Still looking skeptical, the instructor dropped three narrow bolts into her hand. They were made of solid wood, tapering down to a wicked metal tip, light enough that they would be quick and deadly in the air. She pressed them into the top three slots of her wrist holster, relishing the soft  _ click  _ it made as the spring reset. 

She aimed it at the wooden lattice of the courtyard wall, mentally trying to account for the new weapon.  _ They’re lighter than my knives, so I’ll have to aim lower.  _

Feeling confident, she spread her fingers wide—

—in less than a second, the bolts had rocketed out of the sheath and buried themselves to the fletching in the wall, right where her fingers had been pointing. The projectiles had moved even faster than her knives, so quickly that she had not even needed to compensate for weight. 

The thrill of having a new, powerful weapon to master was intoxicating. Between the holster and her knives, she would be on par with even the more powerful benders. 

“You’re very graceful when you fight,” Minli remarked, smiling at Mai approvingly, “and very light on your feet. I think those wrist holsters could be adapted for your ankles as well. Imagine taking out one opponent while you dodge the next opponent’s attack. You would never be surrounded.” 

“It sounds like it could be interesting.”

“Of course, it would take some training to get the timing right.”

Mai rolled her eyes. “Remind me what else there is around here to keep me occupied?”

“Touche.” 

“What about me?” Ty Lee spoke up, bouncing on her feet, “Are there any weapons or training you would suggest to help me in combat?”

The instructor shook her head, and Ty Lee’s face fell immediately. “You are already very advanced, and quite impressive at the forms you favor. I am not sure what I could offer that _could_ help you improve.”

“Oh. Okay. Thank you, anyway.” The acrobat turned from them, looking like she was trying hard not to cry.

“Azula and Mai, may I speak to you for a moment?” Minli asked, pulling them just out of Ty Lee’s earshot. “Your friend has seemed down these past few days.”

“She’ll bounce back. She always does,” Azula shrugged, though Mai caught her eyes lingering on Ty Lee’s slight frame. 

“While I don’t have anything specific to offer her, I do have this advice for you. She is a warrior who relies on her energy to fight, but she devotes a great deal of her energy to you two. I have seen it during class, and even now. She is careful to feed your energies, but what feeds her? With her style, she will fight best when she is spiritually balanced.” She gave a sympathetic smile. “I am sure she will tell you the same thing.”

Azula sighed. “I suppose it is in our best interest. We can’t have our acrobat being all...” she cast another sidelong glance at her, “droopy. So… think cartwheels, pink, and folding your body into unnatural positions.”

Mai tapped her chin, thinking back over her conversations with Ty Lee since they had come to the academy.  _ Of course.  _ “I’ve got it.”

“And?”

“You’re not going to like it.”

The princess gave another dramatic sigh. “Just spit it out already.”

\---

“We’re baking cookies?!” Ty Lee clapped her hands, bounding ahead of Mai and Azula into the academy kitchen. Azula had arranged for the kitchen to be empty this time of the evening, and Mai had threatened Sia into handing over her chocolate chip cookie recipe. “I’ve never cooked anything before!” she added, spinning around to see as much of the room as she could from her position, her eyes alight with glee.

“Me neither,” Mai replied. “It always sounded tedious.”

“Oh please,” Azula rolled her eyes. “How hard can it be?” 

“Now, where are the ingredients?” Ty Lee asked, kneeling down to stick her head into one of the cabinets. “Ooh! These are from the colonies!” she squealed, lifting up a woven sack with green logos stenciled over it. “We need sugar and flour, right?”

“Obviously.” Mai said, raising her eyebrows at her friend from over the recipe scroll.

“Ooh! I found the chocolate chips!” She tossed the bag over her shoulder and up onto the counter without looking. “What else do we need?”

Mai rattled off the list, while Azula stood next to her looking bored. “How are we supposed to measure all this, anyway? It says  _ cup,  _ but not what kind.” She examined her nails, “Or does Miss Top of Class think that teacups and goblets are the same size?”

“Oh, come off of it,” Mai groaned. “It’s clearly a measurement.”

“Please, Mai, point out more of the obvious. I do so enjoy it when you take it upon yourself to say aloud what we were  _ clearly  _ missing. We still don’t know how large or small this cup is.”

“Haven’t you ever bought a cup of something?” Ty Lee asked.

“Please. I have servants to measure for me. I don’t have to concern myself with something so trivial.”

Mai folded her arms. “And how much blood can a person lose before they die?” 

“Between two and four litres,” Azula replied, rolling her eyes. 

“Trivial,” she repeated.

“Oh, please. That’s important.”

“Well, I know that there’s tools to measure with,” Ty Lee spoke up before Mai could retort. “One of my sisters had a brief thing with cooking before she took up the flute. She would use these spoons and cups. I’m sure they’re somewhere around here.” She flashed Azula an award winning smile. “Will you look for them while I try to find the last ingredient? I’m still trying to find eggs, milk, and butter. They’re not in the cabinet.” She opened each cabinet in turn, brow furrowed in concentration. “I’m sure they’re here. We’ve eaten things with eggs in them here, right?”

“I know I’ve buttered my toast,” Mai replied. “Did you try the one over there?” She pointed to the box set into the wall, made of metal instead of wood. 

“I wonder why—” Ty Lee’s musings ended on a startled shriek as she opened the door, sending a wave of cold air into the room. “Oh! That surprised me.”

Mai hurried to stand beside her. “I’ve heard of these. My uncle mentioned using them at his prison. I think he calls them coolers?” She peered past the cloud of white condensation to grab milk, butter, and a whole basket of eggs.”

“I found your measuring spoon device,” Azula called from the other side of the kitchen. “Close that thing before we all freeze!” 

“It says the butter needs to be warmed up.” Mai held up the recipe. She tossed the stick to Azula. “Here.”

The princess’s hands began to glow a warm golden, and she yelped as the butter turned liquid in her hands. 

“What happened?” Ty Lee asked, hurrying to grab a bowl for Azula to drip the butter into. 

“I thought it would have a higher melting point!” She flicked her fingers, her lip curling with disgust. “Ugh. It’s all over me.” 

“It’s okay. Baking is supposed to be messy! That’s why it’s fun!” The acrobat dropped the bowl on the counter and hopped up beside it easily. She reached for the chocolate chips and tore the bag open. “I love these,” she sighed, popping a handful in her mouth. 

“I guess I’ll do the next step. Flour?” Mai pulled one of her knives from her sleeve to slit the bag of flour open. “Here you go,” she sighed, dropping it next to the bowl. She did not count on the cloud of white that filled the air on impact. She coughed as the flour settled over, dusting her skin and hair with a thin layer of powder. “Just great.” 

“I would make a comment, but you look just as pale as before.” 

“No, her aura is getting darker.”

“Very funny, both of you,” Mai sighed again, dusting off her hands. 

Every ingredient seemed to present a new problem of its own. 

Salt and sugar— 

“Which is which?” Azula asked, squinting between the two equally sized bags, 

Ty Lee held up a spoon. “Only one way to find out!”

Five seconds later, Mai held her long braid out of danger’s way as her friend spat her mouthful salt into the sink, sputtering. 

Vanilla— 

“This smells absolutely divine,” Azula breathed, waving the bottle under her nose. “Why have I never been served this before?” She asked as she poured herself a spoonful. “I  _ knew _ the kitchen staff was holding out on me. 

Mai dived to the floor to catch the bottle of vanilla as Azula threw it hard enough to shatter, leaping to join Ty Lee at the sink. 

Baking soda and baking powder—

“I hate to ask again, but which is which?” Azula’s tone of voice was resigned.

She and Ty Lee turned to stare at Mai.

“I’m not tasting it.” 

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Ty Lee pressed.

“No.”

“Ugh, fine.” Azula rolled her eyes. “It’s not like any of us can identify baking soda by taste anyway.”

“I’m sure they’re not  _ that  _ different! Let’s put them in!”

Eggs— 

Azula and Ty Lee crouched down behind the counter, peering over the edge nervously as Mai sized up the egg sitting in front of her. 

She raised a throwing knife, wary of how delicate she knew the shells to be. She’d thrown enough eggs with her friends to know it would take precision not to cause the entire shell to shatter.

As quickly as she dared, Mai struck.

The egg cracked perfectly down the center. 

Now, about getting the insides into the batter… 

“Try your thumbs!” Ty Lee suggested.

Grimacing at the texture, she hesitantly worked two black painted thumb nails into the egg’s middle.  _ Now pull…  _

The egg crumbled, sending flakes of shell into the bowl. 

Mai sighed. “Looks like I know how I’m spending the next ten minutes of my life.” 

Azula raised the basket of eggs to eye level. “If this next egg doesn’t crack cleanly, I swear I’ll be having boiled eggs tonight.” 

Ty Lee giggled and Mai sighed. 

“Stop threatening the eggs, Azula.”

Chocolate chips—

Mai upended the bag over the mixture with little ceremony, the thought of how light the bag was only briefly registering with her. 

“That does not look like enough for a dozen cookies,” the princess commented.

Two pairs of eyes turned towards Ty Lee. 

“What?” She reached up to rub a smudge away from the corner of her mouth, “I needed something to make the taste of salt go away.”

“Into the oven they go!” Ty Lee sang out, smiling proudly down at the dozen lumpy circles that sat on the baking tray.

Azula waved a hand, sending a line of fire into the oven’s belly. 

Mai could not help but notice that her flames were a tinge redder than they had been the last time she had bent outside of class. 

“Medium heat?” She questioned, simmering the flames lower.

“That looks great!” Ty Lee cheered, pulling them both in for a hug. “I was sad that we didn’t end up baking with our classmates, but this has been amazing! I just know our cookies will be beautiful!”

They were not. 

Mai cringed as they came out of the oven lumpy, blackened, and looking nowhere near the desserts she knew Ty Lee had expected.

“Oh,” she whispered, face falling at the sight. 

“I know they’re not what I expected, but the real treat was the friends we made along the way and all that,” Azula flapped a hand, “So wasn’t this a success?”

She tapped her lip, a slow smile spreading over her face. “This experience  _ was  _ fun.” 

“Great. We tried.” Mai added. “And we failed. Lesson learned. What are you doing?” 

“You guys are right. This  _ was  _ a great bonding experience, and the real treat  _ is  _ the friendships we’ve strengthened!” Ty Lee spoke as she knelt to rifle through one of the open cabinets. “I thought I saw… Aha!” She held up another package of chocolate chips. “But we have plenty of ingredients! Why stop now? Let’s make another batch, and get it right this time!”

Mai had never felt such fondness and despair at the same time before in her life. 

\---

That night, Mai could not sleep. It was easy to keep her thoughts in order during the day, when she had things to keep herself busy. 

But now, with nothing to do but wait for sleep to come, she could not help but think of Zuko. What would it be like to bake with him? The thought of him laughing next to her, his dark hair dusted in flour, struck her chest with a bittersweet pang. 

She wanted nothing more than to see him again. Already, the sound of his voice and the feel of him had faded in her memory. 

She wanted to hug him again, to bury her head in his neck and never let go. 

Mai pulled her pillow from beneath her head and pulled it close enough to curl around. She leaned her cheek on its corner, trying to pretend it was Zuko’s shoulder. Maybe if she could wrap her arm around just right, she could imagine she was hugging him.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to remember how it felt to hold him, hating how hollow her chest felt. No matter how hard she tried, she could not force her mind to believe it was him between her arms. 

There was no soothing heartbeat beneath her ear, no rhythm of his breathing to remind her that he was here, that he loved her. 

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and she curled into a ball under her blankets, pressing the heels of her hands against her eyelids hard enough to see stars. 

Eyes burning and skin crawling, Mai hugged herself close, waiting for sleep to claim her. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I did not expect to do in this fic: explore Azula in any capacity. It was fun to have a bit with each of them though!


	10. Graduation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thank you for bearing with me. I'm sorry for not updating sooner.   
> A beloved family member passed away unexpectedly, and I have been struggling to write since then.   
> I hope you enjoy the chapter, and thanks again for your patience.  
> xo   
> \- Aceupmyownsleeve

The night before graduation was surreal. The trio sat in Azula’s dorm room, giddy with the knowledge that this would be the last night they spent in the school. 

“I never thought it would be like this,” Mai commented, lying flat on her back on Azula’s bed. She tossed her knife up into the air, hilt first, and caught it. “We should do something to make our last night here interesting.”

“Like what?” Ty Lee asked from her perch on the headboard. 

Azula shrugged, sitting opposite them at the foot of her bed, watching as she twirled a tendril of blue fire around her fingers. “The whole academy is shut down in preparation for tomorrow’s ceremony.” 

Mai sat up, catching her knife without looking. “We could sneak out.”

A slow smile spread across the princess’s face. “A night out on the town?” 

“And we have a perfectly good window right here.”

Ty Lee vaulted herself off the bed to land neatly beside the window. “It’s a sheer drop down,” she said, pushing the shutters open. “Here we go!” 

Before either of the other girls could protest, she leapt out into open air. 

Mai hurried to the window just in time to see the acrobat land in a neat dive roll, ten feet down. “Not bad, Ty Lee,” Mai murmured as she waved up from the ground, clearly unharmed.

Azula leaped out after her, hands aflame. 

She watched with her mouth hanging open as Azula’s fire propelled her down to land softly beside Ty Lee. 

“Nice trick!” She called down.

  
“You next!” 

Mai sighed. So much for this going quickly. Drawing two knives, she swung herself out onto the window sill, digging the blades in for purchase in the gaps between the bricks. Gripping tight with one hand, she jiggled her knife, working to free it from the wall. She redoubled her grip, her hands sweaty, swinging herself forward to drive the knife into the wall again, further down. 

A curse broke from her lips as it slipped, scaping loudly, metal against stone. 

Throwing her body against the wall, Mai scrabbled at the bricks with her feet, trying to find purchase. Bracing her weight on her remaining knife, she pushed off, sliding down the wall with an ungodly screech. 

As soon as she had her bearings, she kicked off the wall, twisting her body midair to land on the ground in a crouch. 

“You’ve had better landings before,” Azula commented, “I think you forgot something. 

Mai squinted up to see that one of her blades was still wedged in the wall. “I gave myself a reentry point,” she replied, giving a noncommittal shrug. 

“Come on, we still have a gate to scale.” 

They turned to survey the tall grey wall, carved artfully with patterns of dragon scales, just barely visible in the low light. 

“It seems like it’s more to keep people out than in,” Ty Lee held a hand to shield her eyes as she stared up at it through the darkness of the shadow it cast.

Azula cast a critical eye over the structure, following Ty Lee’s line of sight. “It’s a sentry tower, to protect the daughters of rich nobles. There should be a ladder somewhere around—”

“There,” Mai pointed.

“The same one the guards use. Ty Lee, can you knock out someone for an entire night?”

The acrobat shook her head. “I can block chi for an hour at most if I’m thorough.” 

“Then we will have to be quick and stealthy.” Azula hurried to press herself flat against the wall beside the ladder, her friends right on her heels. 

Breathing through her mouth, Mai strained her ears as footsteps neared, paused, and continued down the wall. 

Azula gave a curt nod and vaulted herself halfway up the ladder in a single leap, landing as silently as a cat. 

Another pause. More silence.

She leapt up, over, and disappeared into the darkness. Mai jumped up after her, careful not to make a sound or let her knives rattle. She could sense, more than see or hear, Ty Lee just behind her, little more than a specter in the dark. 

Scurrying across the narrow catwalk, Mai was faced with another sheer drop down, this time even higher than before. As she leaned to peer over the side, her foot struck something soft. 

A rope.

“It can’t be that easy,” she murmured, half to herself and half to Ty Lee, tying it off on one of the dragon tails that circled the wall.

“Won’t it creak when you climb it?” Ty Lee whispered.

Mai smiled, even though she knew her friend could not see her in the dark. “I wear fingerless gloves for a reason.” Swinging herself over the side of the wall, she let herself fall, the rope running hot between her palms where she gripped it. 

She landed neatly beside Azula and dusted off her hands.

“What about Ty—” the princess’s question cut short as the acrobat swung down, gripping the rope with nothing but her feet.

Mai could not help but stare at her as she popped back upright, a bright smile on her face.

“What? I don’t have gloves,” she said, as if she did that sort of thing every day. 

Who was Mai kidding? She probably did. 

Azula grinned at them, a fiery glint in her eyes. “Now that we’re all here,” she turned to survey the lights of the city before them, “it is time for these Fire Nation Academy ladies to take this town by storm.” 

\---

“Where is everyone?” Ty Lee asked, as the trio turned down yet another dark street to find another set of shuttered windows and a sign that said  _ closed.  _ “Hang on. What’s that?” she pointed to a piece of parchment tacked up to the wall. 

“The Fire Nation Circus.” Mai read aloud. “It’s tonight.”

“We have to go!” Ty Lee squealed, grabbing Azula’s arm. “Come on!” 

Azula tugged the poster from the wall. “It says it's on the other side of town.” 

“Then hurry!” Bouncing on her feet, Ty Lee skipped town the street in the other direction.

“Do you even know where we’re going?”

“Nope!” 

Mai sighed and hurried to catch up with her, ignoring Azula’s eye roll. They wandered down several side streets, trying to follow the paths that seemed like they were going in the right direction, even if none of them were sure what that direction was. 

Finally, just as Mai was beginning to suspect they were truly lost, the faint sound of music caught her ear. Surely no other place would be playing the trumpet in such a jaunty melody after nightfall. 

All three girls seemed to hear the sound at the same time. With a quick glance at each other, they took off running, shoulder to shoulder. Mai held her arms out straight behind her to keep her knives from jangling together, even though there seemed like no one to disturb out on the street. 

As the sound of cheers and lively music grew, Mai could finally spot the top of a tent just over the town’s buildings. There were streamers tied to the points of the big top, trailing a red and yellow path into the air. The overall effect was so cartoonish that somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered if she was dreaming. What was she doing here, sneaking out to a circus, as eight year old Mai had fantasized about doing so many years ago? On the night of her graduation, no less. A well worn voice muttered about her parents’ fury if they discovered her absence, one that she was used to pushing away by now.

She wasn’t the closest she had ever been to a circus just to miss out on seeing a show. 

The tent itself was larger than she thought it would be. Standing in a line of strangers, tuning out Azula’s grumbling about having to wait like a commoner, Mai was almost giddy. Her parents weren’t here to remind her of all she was doing wrong, and in just one day she would be free of the instructors that would surely disapprove of where she was now. 

The smell of fire and food hung in the air, tickling her nose. The babble of voices around them, almost too soft to hear over the music and distant rumble of animals, only reflected her excitement. These people around them had not been trained to hide their emotions all their life, and their exhilaration was palpable in the air. Fire nation citizens young and old, some richly dressed, some plainly, all jostled shoulders with shared anticipation. 

“Tickets?” the tired looking man standing at the entrance inquired. 

“I think that won’t be necessary,” Azula replied, inclining her head so that he could see the golden flame comb holding back her hair. “I am crown princess Azula, and these are my companions.” 

The man blanched. “You must forgive me princess, I had not received word of your attendance, otherwise I would never have forced you to wait in line!”

“That’s what I thought.” 

“Right this way.” He swept the curtain aside and bowed deeply. “Enjoy the show!” 

Mai followed Azula into the tent. The sight of what was inside took her breath away. The stunning display of firelight and sound, hundreds of people packed under one cloth roof, was like nothing she had ever seen before in the palace. 

Azula’s lip curled up as she surveyed the milling crowd. “They should have a private box for us.”

“We were trying to keep a low profile anyway,” Mai sighed. 

Ty Lee, by contrast, looked ecstatic. “This is the most amazing place! Everything is so fun and sparkly!” She pointed to a dumpy looking man wearing a cape that sparkled in the firelight, warming up the crowd as he pulled a bouquet of flowers from inside his sleeve. “Is that a clown?” Without a backwards glance at her friends, Ty Lee skipped forward, waving excitedly to him. “That’s a really great trick, mister!”

“A trick, young lady?” the clown grinned, reaching behind Ty Lee’s ear. Drawing back, he opened his palm to reveal a bright pink bow. “It’s magic!” He bowed to the crowd, who cheered as Ty Lee clipped the ribbon into her hair. “I’d like to see you try a trick like that!” 

“Sure! ” Ty Lee hopped forward onto her hands and levered herself upright, her body in a perfectly vertical handstand. “This is my trick!” 

Mai reluctantly applauded along with the rest of the crowd, who clearly thought that Ty Lee was part of the show. 

“Come on, Ty Lee. I want to get a seat while there’s still some available,” Azula called. 

“Aw, I was just getting started.” The acrobat flopped forward, landing in a perfect bridge on the dusty floor, much to the crowd’s delight. Ty Lee’s eyes brightened. “Thank you!” she shouted, popping up onto her feet and waving.

“This is why people call her a circus freak,” Azula muttered under her breath, but her gaze was soft as Ty Lee skipped over to stand by her side, her face flushed with happiness. 

Mai nodded to her. “Not bad.”

“Thanks!” Her friend grabbed her hand and pulled her towards an empty spot on the bench. “I can’t wait for the show to start!”

Just before they got there, Ty Lee stopped short. 

Mai let out an  _ oof  _ as she collided with her friend’s back.

A young couple had sat down on the bench, sitting their baby down between them.

“Excuse me,” Ty Lee started hesitantly, “but we were going to sit there.”

“I’m sorry, but we need this seat so our daughter can see.”

Mai turned away to idly examine her nails as Azula stepped forward, back ramrod straight. “A mere baby does not need its own seat.”

“It doesn’t matter, Azula. It’s fine. Look! I see three more.” Ty Lee hurried up the steps to a seat higher in the amphitheater and sat quickly, dusting the arena dirt from her hands. “See! These are fine!” she called down.

With a raised eyebrow at the confused looking couple, Mai ascended the stairs to join her friend just as a trumpet rang out, signalling the beginning of the show. 

She caught her breath as two creatures lumbered out into the ring, toothy beaks opened wide. It only took an instant to recognize them for what they were, even with their bodies bedecked in a ridiculous number of ribbons.

Platypus bears. 

Balancing themselves on top of a multicolored ball, the enormous bears wobbled their way in circles around the ring.

Ty Lee gasped and grabbed her arm as the acrobats entered, leapfrogging over each other and around the platypus bears. None were quite so agile as Ty Lee herself, but they vaulted through the arena in perfect sync. 

Even Azula leaned forward in interest when the first of the acrobats rose to their feet and pulled an arrow from her belt, lighting it on fire with a snap of her fingers. Tipping her head back with a coy smile, she lowered the arrow down her throat, smoke rising from her mouth. 

It sank deep between her lips, farther and farther, until only the fletching remained gripped in her fingers. 

“Imagine using your firebending for  _ party tricks,”  _ Azula huffed, but Mai noticed how she wound a lick of flame between white knuckled fingers, her eyes never leaving the performer’s face. 

The entire audience, Mai included, broke into applause as the acrobat withdrew the arrow, still aflame, from her throat and bowed.

The rest of the night passed quickly in a blur of strange animals and even stranger people. Contortionists, sword swallowers, dancers, and bawdy musicians the likes of which the Fire Court would never tolerate. 

Sitting in the overheated tent, packed in between her friends and countless strangers, the heat of the circus’s torches warm on her face, for once, Mai was not bored.

\--- 

The next morning was cold. 

Mai awoke fully clothed on top of her bed, groggy and almost too disoriented to realize what the ringing bell clanging through the air meant. 

Why was the headmistress calling an early meeting on graduation day? Surely they would not have training drills after finals had ended. 

Groaning as she rolled out of bed, Mai stumbled to her mirror and ran a brush through her hair. Deciding that was enough, she pushed her dorm room door open and joined the crowd of the other exhausted, confused students making their way to the dining hall. 

Azula was sitting in her usual spot, her arms stretched out on the backs of the chairs on either side of her, a claim that no one would dare contest.

Mai sagged into the seat beside her, yawning. 

“Think we’re here to be lectured for sneaking out?”

“I don’t think they noticed.” Mai examined her nails. “Besides. What are they going to do? Keep us from graduating?”

“Good morning!” Ty Lee slid into the chair beside Azula, somehow more peppy than both her friends combined. 

Before Mai had a chance to respond, the headmistress clapped her hands, a tense figure at the head of the room. A hush fell over the assembled students as she spoke. “Good morning, girls!” 

“Good morning, Headmistress Kim,” the room mumbled back.

“I apologize for the early meeting, ladies, but I have some wonderful news to deliver.” She paused for effect. “Because the future of the Fire Nation is in your graduating class, the ceremony will be held at the Fire Palace.”

Flurries of whispers broke out across the room. 

“Did you know about this?” Mai turned to Azula, who looked like the catdeer who had gotten the cream. 

“No, but I suspected that Father would do something special.” The princess grinned toothily. “After all, his only daughter and heir is graduating top of class. Why not celebrate?”

“It’s going to feel strange,” Ty Lee commented. “I haven’t been in the palace since we joined the academy.”

“It will be nice to see our families again!” one of the girls piped up across the table.

Ty Lee and Mai glanced at each other uncomfortably.

“It will be nice, won’t it,” Azula spread her hands, blue fire crackling between them. “I know my father will be so proud when he sees what I can do now.” 

\---

Mai did not know where she expected the graduation to take place, but this was not it. 

As she followed her headmaster down the Fire Palace halls, the further she got, the deeper the dread knowledge settled in her stomach. 

She would be graduating on the Agni Kai stage. 

Deep in her sleeves, her hands trembled as they stopped in front of the familiar door, the carved dragons winding around its frame leering down at her. She tried not to look— at anything, really, — as the servants on either side bowed and swung the doors open wide. 

Azula strolled through, her head held high, but Ty Lee shot Mai a worried glance as they flanked her. 

She tried not to bristle at the naked concern in her friend’s eyes. Leave it to Ty Lee to know exactly what she was thinking. 

Someone had set up a line of chairs and a podium on the stage, and already the surrounding amphitheater bustled with the girls’ families as they found their seats. 

She could not help but sneak a glance up at the royal box. As treacherous as it was, she was relieved to find it empty. The last time she had seen Ozai in this room, she had seen nothing of the ruler Mai had grown up to admire. As treacherous as it was to think, he had seemed some wicked fire spirit of old. 

She hated it. 

Forcing her back stiff, she took her place beside Ty Lee at the front of the stage, as Azula headed straight for the podium. Regal, head held high, she looked more like her father than Mai had ever seen her. 

Pulling her gaze away, she scanned the audience for her family. When she caught sight of them, her heart jumped. There, nestled in the arms of her mother, was a figure she had only heard about in letters. 

Tom Tom. 

She could not quite make out much of him around the red blanket swaddling him beyond pudgy cheeks and a shock of black hair. 

In that moment, the realization growing in her chest flamed warmer and higher than her anxieties. 

She was an older sister. 

It hardly seemed possible. 

Even her stark faced uncle, sitting beside her mother, seemed softer around the edges as he cooed over the little baby she held. 

“Do you see your family?” Ty Lee whispered in her ear. 

“And my baby brother.”

“And so it begins,” she sighed, her braid drooping. 

“Why? Don’t you see your family?”

“Only my mother.” Ty Lee nodded to the woman sitting beside Mai’s parents, talking animatedly with her father. “My sisters Ty Lin and Ty Liu graduated from the Fire Nation Music Academy today, and I guess the rest of my sisters found that more interesting.” She shook her head wistfully. “I don’t blame them. There’s going to be a concert of the entire Academy orchestra. What does our graduation have?” She shrugged. “I don’t even  _ know _ yet.” 

Mai patted her shoulder awkwardly, at a loss for words. 

Ty Lee fell silent, her leg bouncing up and down with nervous energy, keeping her eyes trained on Azula, who stood at the podium and watched the crowd with quiet confidence. 

She could not help but jump as a cheer rang out from the crowd, and Mai raised her eyes to see that Fire Lord Ozai had stepped into his box. He nodded to the crowd, taking his seat with fluid grace. “Citizens of the Fire Nation,” he called, his voice booming out over the arena, “we are gathered here today to celebrate a most momentous occasion. My daughter, firebending prodigy and heir to the throne, is graduating from the prestigious Fire Nation Academy for Girls, top of the class. I expected no less from her.”

The princess gave a half wave to the crowd, the firelight glinting brightly off of the golden comb nestled in her hair. 

“She will now give a demonstration of what she has learned. Azula!” 

His daughter bowed deeply to him, fist against her palm, and stepped forward, breathing deeply. Without warning, she brought her fist up to her shoulder and stuck out, driving her straightened palm downwards towards her hip. A bright arc of blue fire rent the air, illuminating the awestruck faces of the audience. A sharp turn, and she punched out again, an enormous fireball blossoming from her fist, so large that Mai could feel the heat on her skin. 

Three more punches. A yell. 

Gasps rose as she somersaulted across the ground, fire streaking from her feet, before neatly popping up in a defensive block. 

It was so quiet one could hear a pin drop as Azula bowed again to her father, then to the crowd.

And then the cheers broke out, thunderous applause echoing from every corner of the room, as the assembled citizens went wild. 

Ty Lee clapped just as enthusiastically, her eyes bright as she trained them on her friend’s back. 

The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur, with the headmistress delivering a speech so dull that Mai’s eyes crossed, and several professors she did not care about stepping up to the podium to speak about what a privilege it was to work for the school, how honored they were to see their students graduate in the palace, and more drivel that she could do little else but yawn at. 

Finally, the headmistress rose from her seat and walked to the edge of the stage, her hands full of parchment scrolls tied in red ribbon. “Princess Azula!” she called, presenting the roll. “It’s been an honor.”

Mai was next, followed by Ty Lee.

The diploma felt awfully small in light of the past two years. Mai tucked in in her sleeve and sat back, relying on muscle memory to keep her back straight and posture ladylike as a host of girls she knew in passing filed past her, talking excitedly.

Finally, it was over. 

Mai could not remember a time she had been more bored in her life, which was a milestone for her. 

Caught in the crowd of girls rushing to the door to greet their families, she fell into step beside Azula and Ty Lee.“Well, that happened,” she murmured under her breath, then froze.

She was startled to see Ty Lee’s face fall.

“Uh… Ty Lee?” 

“I have something to tell you guys. Please don’t laugh, Azula.”

“Is it funny?”

“No, I…” she brushed her bangs out of her face, her expression uncharacteristically grim. “I’ve been thinking about this a while, and this ceremony only made me more confident that I’m making the right decision.” She glanced away, fidgeting with her fingers. “I’m going to join the circus.”

“What?” Mai and Azula stopped so suddenly that the girl walking behind them collided with their backs.

Azula gave her an icy glare. Withering beneath it, the girl let out a small “Eep!” and scurried out of earshot. 

“Are you sure? You have so many opportunities here in court!” 

“That’s the thing. I’m not diplomatic like you, and I’m not as refined as Mai. Because of my family name, my sisters will be up for the same positions as me. And after today…” she bit her lip, “After today, I’m not sure I will be able to handle that. I’ve been competing against them since we were born, and I don’t want to compete anymore.” Ty Lee set her chin, raising her gaze to look first Azula, then Mai in the eye. “I know what I’m good at, and it’s time I pursued something that makes me happy.”

Mai opened her mouth and closed it again, at a loss for words. “Ty Lee…”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s okay.” Her friend grabbed her hand and pulled her into a tight hug. “Please don’t try to stop me. If my mom asks, tell her I’m looking into job opportunities.” She flushed. “Which isn’t lying. Not completely.” She turned to Azula and embraced her too. When she pulled away, there were tears in Ty Lee’s eyes.

Azula’s light tone seemed forced. “Well, if it ends up being as miserable as it sounds, there’s always a place for you at the Fire Palace. You’re a good…” She broke off, biting at her lip, and Ty Lee looked up hopefully. “You’re a good warrior, Ty Lee.”

“Thanks, Azula.” With a little wave, Ty Lee turned and melted into the crowd, her lithe body slipping between students as if they were not even there.

An uncomfortable silence settled between Azula and Mai as they stared after the space where their friend had just disappeared. Finally, the princess reached up to adjust her crown, setting her shoulders.

“Well. Shall we find our parents?”

Mai found she could not raise her voice over a whisper. “And my baby brother.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Maiko to come in the next chapter!


	11. The Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Mai are back together, gaang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter today because I didn't want to take away from their reunion. So much for both of them has led up to this point.  
> I can't wait for this kind of reunion with my friends when our COVID banishments end.  
> Here's to all of us, sticking this thing out. Hang in there. <3

Mai could not have cared less about the bear. 

She knew Azula would be mad that she had made any concessions to an enemy without putting up a fight, but it was just a stupid bear. It had barely been worth her time to guard it in the first place. Now she was stuck in the middle of the throne room, using her knife to painstakingly chip Ty Lee out of the rocks that the blind earthbender girl had trapped her in. 

“Look, ladies, I come bearing gifts!” Azula’s voice rang out, as she strode into the throne room, a confident bounce in her step. She stopped as she surveyed the room, and Ty Lee’s precarious position. “Where’s the bear?”

Mai sighed. “Does it actually matter?”

The princess tossed her hair, a wide smile spreading over her face. “No. It doesn’t. You see, the Avatar is dead.” 

“Really?” Ty Lee gasped, straining her neck to see Azula from between her arms.

A loud ringing filled Mai’s ears, her pulse quickening. “Does that mean—”

With a grandiose gesture, Azula stepped aside, revealing _him._

Zuko.

Mai’s breath stopped short.

He looked so different. 

He was taller, for starters, his boyish figure lengthened into broad shoulders and a sharp jawline. More than that, he stood differently, surveying the room as though searching for an adversary. His hair was cropped short, the ponytail worn by royalty shorn close to his scalp. The angry burn over his eye had faded into lines of scar tissue, and deep circles darkened the skin beneath his eyes. 

Somehow, what cut the deepest was those eyes. 

She had expected his eyes to be the same beneath his scar. 

They were sharp with distrust and dull with a haggardness so piercing that Mai was not sure whether it was bitterness, exhaustion, anger, or a combination of all three. 

She did not care about his scar, but his eyes had once been so soft and inviting. Now, as they turned toward her, she was uncertain what he would see when he looked at her. She was not naive enough to believe that she had not changed as well. 

Azula scoffed at the heavy silence filling the air. “Well? Aren’t you going to say something to Mai? She’s only been waiting for you to kill the avatar since you were thirteen.”

His mouth opened, his eyes widened, and in that moment, she might have well been the only person in the room.

It took her a moment to recognize the emotion on his face, warmth flooding her to the bone as his cold expression thawed.

It was something like awe. 

“Zuko?”

At the sound of her voice, joy, relief, regret, and pain flashed over his face in the space of a second. “Mai?” He approached her slowly, his eyes never leaving her face. Gently, as if afraid she would pull away from him, he reached out to lay a hand on her cheek. “Is it really you?”

Her eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of moments. His hand was still as warm as ever. “Who else would it be?”

“Can I…?” He trailed off, opening his arms as he hesitated, his throat bobbing. What had happened to him in the years he had been away, if he was so frightened she would refuse him?

She pulled him in first, burying her head in his neck. Circled in his arms, listening to his ragged breathing grow steadier, Mai could hardly believe she was not dreaming. The embrace felt different. He was sharper in places, the softness of his arms and neck hardened into corded muscle, but the warmth and life was the same. Even dressed in Earth Kingdom green, he felt like home. The many times they had held each other, all memories she had gone over again and again until they were faded in her mind, roared back to life, as quickly as her rapid heartbeat, drumming in her ears. She had missed this. She had missed _him._

Azula coughed, but Mai could not bring herself to care. 

“Um… can someone get me out of here? My back is really starting to hurt,” Ty Lee piped up, louder than Azula.

“Zuzu? Will you do the honors?” 

Snorting, Zuko pulled away and sent a blast of fire at Ty Lee’s restraints, setting her free and sending her sprawling. 

“Thank you!” She pulled him into a hug as well, in true Ty Lee fashion. “Long time no see, Prince Zuko!”

“We should get back to the ship,” Azula sighed, examining her nails, “Father will want to hear about what has happened.” Without waiting for a reply, she brushed past them and headed for the broken palace door. 

Mai had known her long enough to know that this was how she acted when she was hurt, even though no trace of emotion beyond bored amusement had crept into her voice. What did Azula have to be hurt about? Zuko’s banishment was over, Ba Sing Sae had fallen, the Avatar was dead. Shouldn’t that be worth rejoicing over?

As they turned to follow her, Zuko’s hand slipped into Mai’s. 

“Is this okay?” he asked softly. 

She nodded. She had hoped their first embrace would be longer, but it would have to do for now.

After all, now that Zuko was back at the palace, they had all the time in the world.

  
  
  



	12. Making Up For Lost Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As much fluff as a person can pack into a ship cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this far! All of your comments and kudos are so appreciated— I certainly did not expect to get so much positive feedback!  
> Hopefully more chapters are on the way <3

The rocking of the ship and the waves lapping at the bow were more than enough to lull Mai to sleep. She kept the knowledge that they were returning to the Fire Nation with Zuko safely with them tucked close to her heart, happier than she had been since her family had dragged her out to Omashu. 

She was just on the edge of unconsciousness when there was a soft knock at her door to her cabin.

“Who is it?” she mumbled, pulling her blankets over her head.

“It’s Zuko.” There was a brief hesitation and the shuffling of feet on the other side of the door, as if he was debating leaving. “Can I come in?”

“One second.” Mai stretched, a yawn overtaking her. There was no way to be certain what time it was, but if she had to guess, it was close to midnight. She pulled open the door, blinking at the sudden rush of light from the outside hallway.

Zuko stood there, short hair windblown and face reddened. 

“Is everything okay?” She reached for his hand, jolting as she felt the icy skin of his fingers, joints stiff with cold. 

“Fine. I was just out on the deck.” He pulled away to rub at his neck, his face reddening further. “I lost track of time.”

“You’re freezing.” Mai replied, folding her arms over her chest, “What did you do with the blanket I gave you yesterday?”

The Prince shrugged. “I forgot it in my cabin.” 

She arched an eyebrow.

“I’m fine. Really.” He sighed when she still looked unconvinced. “Uncle Iroh taught me a firebending trick to keep myself warm a while back.”

“And did you use it?”

Zuko at least had the grace to look sheepish. “No?”

“You’re hopeless,” she groaned, stepping aside to let him into her darkened cabin and fumbling along her desk for a candle. “Will you do the honors?”

Catching her eye with a sudden smirk in the half light, he leaned forward to breath upon the wick. 

Mai caught her breath as a stream of fire billowed out from between his lips, and the candle burst aflame in a wash of warmth. 

“Well then, that’s settled,” she commented, looking up into his face where the shadows played over the tense lines of his jaw. 

“I told you, I’ve learned some things during my travels.” He reached up to tuck a loose lock of hair behind her ear from where it had sprung free from her bun. “God, I missed you. I had given up hope on ever seeing you again.”

“I didn’t,” Mai replied softly, setting the candle aside. “You’re many things, but you are one of the most loyal people I know. I’m sorry about Uncle Iroh.”

Zuko did not reply, his face falling.

“You did the right thing, Zuko. Could you really have lived out the rest of your days as a peasant in Ba Sing Sae?”

He shook his head weakly, still not meeting her eyes. “No. Not like Uncle wanted us to.” He sighed and reached out to cup her chin with one hand. “You seem happier than you were back then.”

 _And you seem sadder._ She found she could not say the words aloud. “Getting out from under my parents’ thumb has that effect.” 

“Seeing you in Ba Sing Sae…” He took an unsteady breath, “I thought I had to be dreaming. I had no idea you would be there. Even once I saw you, I thought for certain you would not want me anymore.” 

They both jumped as footsteps rang out from the hall outside. 

Zuko reached over Mai’s shoulder to push the door shut, plunging the room into orange candlelight. 

She caught her breath as she realized that his mouth was just inches from hers, standing tall over her with his hand still braced on the door behind her. 

Zuko’s eyes darted down to her lips. As if suddenly realizing his position, Zuko hurriedly stepped backwards, fixing his gaze on the floor. “I’m sorry.”

“You _should_ be sorry,” she said, stepping up to poke him in the chest.

He spluttered, eyes widening.

“How could you possibly think I wouldn’t want to be with you anymore? The day you were banished was the worst of my life. I’m here because I want to be, Zuko.”

“Mai, I’ve made so many mistakes. I’ve let people down, and ruined things over and over again.” 

“I don’t care, Zuko. I still want you. It doesn’t matter to me what you’ve done.”

“What if I ruin everything again?” He searched her face desperately, expression stricken. “What if I fail you too? I failed you once when I was banished, and I failed you every day I could not find the Avatar. It’s my fault it took so long, and in the end, I could not even defeat him without Azula’s help. If I were better, I would have been on a ship home months ago.”

Mai reached up to place a finger on his lips, halting the tangled thread of bitter words. “Then make it up to me.” 

Zuko’s eyes widened, the regret draining from his face. A slow smile spreading over his lips, he pressed a kiss to the pad of her finger. Reverently, he took her wrist in his hand and turned it over, brushing his lips over her palm, then to the blue veins that ran down her pale wrist. Stroking circles into the back of her hand with his thumb, he chuckled quietly. “Mai, I—”

“If you’re going to apologize again, don’t.”

He swallowed, his face flushing. 

“Zuko, you haven’t failed me,” she whispered fiercely, pulling his hand up to lay it against her cheek. “And I’m going to say it again and again until you believe me.” 

Gripping her face between both hands, Zuko leaned forward and kissed her. 

Last night, their first kiss in three years had been too quick. Mainly, she had kissed him to wipe the pained look from his face— a way to say _I’m here._ He had seemed so preoccupied, so contained, like a stormcloud kept in a too small box, and she had thought it was best to leave him to brood. 

Had leaving him on the deck struck a blow to his self confidence? 

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, relishing how warm his mouth was on hers. She had to stretch up to kiss him because of his newfound height, but the sudden change in the angle of his mouth sliding down to push against hers sent her head spinning as his hands tangled in her hair. She was warm all over, the steady pressure of his hand on the back of her head grounding her. 

She had missed this. She wished she could tell him exactly how much, but the right words scattered with the rest of her thoughts. Besides, talking would mean ending the kiss. 

Zuko kissed her like a drowning man searching for breath, as if he could somehow make up for lost time all in one moment. 

Finally, he pulled away, his expression radiant. Letting out a small sigh, he leaned his forehead against hers. She could feel his hands tremble as he freed his fingers from her hair and smoothed the ruffled strands down her neck. “I love you,” he murmured, closing his eyes. “I understand if you don’t want to say it back.”

“I love you too.” Mai reached up to run her thumb over the thick scar tissue around his eye. “Every part of you.” 

He leaned in to press his mouth to hers again, a quick kiss, soft and sweet, slightly messy from the widening smile he seemed to be trying so hard to hide. “I think I pulled one of your buns out by accident.”

She reached up to touch her hair, the weight of her lopsided bun affirming that her hairstyle had collapsed. “It doesn’t matter.” 

“Let me fix it for you.” He gently took her hand and led her to sit on her bed. “Um… Do you have a hairbrush?” 

Mai stretched to pull it from her bedside table, passing it back to Zuko where he sat behind her, perched on his knees on her bedspread. 

“Hey, Zuko?”

“What?”

“Shoes?” 

“Oh, right.” Zuko braced a hand on her shoulder as he leaned over her to drop his shoes on the floor. 

The weight of her hair spilled down onto her shoulders as he gently tugged the ribbons tied around her buns free. He was cautious as he ran the brush down her hair, deft hands gently untangling knot after knot. Even after he met no resistance, he continued to stroke her hair, abandoning the brush in favor of carding his fingers through her dark locks. 

She relaxed into him, the stiff muscles in her neck finally beginning to soften under his careful touch. She was half asleep when he swept her hair over her shoulder and pressed a chaste kiss to the base of her neck. 

“I just realized something,” he whispered, his mouth so closed to her ear that she could feel the warmth on her neck.

“Hmmm?”

“I have no idea how to tie a bun.” He leaned over her to drop the ribbons in her lap. “I thought it wouldn’t be that different from tying sailors’ knots, but…” 

She chuckled and began winding her hair into a coil, twisting the ribbon into a tight knot on each side. 

“How do you do it so fast?” Zuko’s voice held a touch of awe.

“Years of practice,” she stretched lazily, collapsing back against his chest with a yawn. “What time is it?”

Zuko shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. It feels weird being in the ship’s royal cabin again after so long.” 

“You could always stay in here.” Mai felt silly as soon as the words were spoken. “If you want to. I don’t care.” She made to stand, expecting him to follow. 

She startled as he grabbed for her hand, squeezing her fingers gently. “I’d like that.” 

He scooted backwards towards the cabin wall, pulling his knees to his chest, doing his best to make room for her on the narrow cot. 

She laid down beside him, draping an arm over his shoulder so it lay down his back, and he reached up to pull her pillow down closer, so that they could both lay their heads on it comfortably. One of her arms was pinned between them, but all thoughts of shifting positions left her mind as he wrapped both of his arms around her and pulled her close, his face just inches from hers. “Is this okay?” he asked, as if sensing her racing thoughts.

“Absolutely.” She replied, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. 

Sighing softly, his eyes fluttered shut. She smiled at the sight of him, more relaxed than she had seen him since they had reunited. She curled more tightly into him and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to regulate her breathing. 

After a moment, she felt him shift beside her. She blinked up at him, surprised to see him with his cheek propped in his palm, smiling down at her with equal parts contentment and regret. 

“What?”

“You’re really beautiful, you know that?”

“And sleepy,” she huffed out, teasing him. “Are you really going to stay up just to stare at me?”

“No,” he mumbled, his face reddening. “Maybe.” His face flushed even darker. “I’m trying to commit your face to memory. I’ve missed being able to see it in person.”

“Now you’re just being sappy.”

“No really. There were times when I couldn’t remember the shape of your face, or quite how your eyes looked. I tried to hold onto as much of you as I could, but so much of my life at the palace has faded that I don’t quite know whether all of my memories are dreams or real things that happened to me. I thought about you all the time, fantasizing about what it would be like to see you again after so long.” He let out a long breath, brushing stray wisps of hair back from her forehead. “Was there anyone else when I was gone?”

“No. Just you.” She gave a half hearted shrug with the shoulder not pressed against him. “After you were banished, I was first rushed off to the Fire Nation Academy for girls, then to Omashu. I didn’t exactly have much time to even think about anyone else.” She bit her lip, suddenly concerned. Why was Zuko not meeting her eyes? “Was there anyone else for you?”

He sighed, curling deeper within himself. “One person, I guess. A girl. Uncle and I had both been declared traitors to the Fire Nation, and I had given up any hope of seeing you again. I know it’s not an excuse, but—”

Mai held up her hand. “Zuko, I’m not mad. We said no promises, remember?”

He pressed his lips together, still looking unconvinced. “I was being a lousy boyfriend to you, and I was probably a miserable date to her. It was all built on a lie, since I couldn’t tell her who I was.” He reached for Mai’s hair again, twining it around his fingers as if to remind himself that she was there. “Then she kissed me.”

He would not meet her eyes.

“And the whole time I thought about you. So I ran away.” He sighed, flopping back to stare up at the ceiling. “I never saw her again. She probably hates me now. If she ever finds out who I really am, she’ll hate me even more for misleading her.”

“What were you supposed to do? Tell her who you really were and trust she wouldn’t go running straight to the guards?”

“I mean…” He hesitated, swallowing uncomfortably, “I kind of did.”

“You what?!” Mai’s hair pulled as she sat up suddenly. 

“Not that I was a prince! But I sort of… firebent in front of her. Just some lanterns. I wasn’t really thinking, and I told her to close her eyes, but she must have guessed. I spent the next week expecting the Dai Lee to come banging down my door, but they never did.”

“She must have kept your secret,” Mai breathed, lying back down beside him. “I’m impressed.”

“I guess she did.”

“If I ever meet her, I’ll have to thank her.” She pulled Zuko close enough to give him a light peck on the worried creases of his forehead. “I like you not dead.”

“I like not being dead too.” 

“Do you think you can sleep now?” Mai reached out to smooth his hair back from his face. “The dark circles under your eyes are starting to look like warpaint.” 

He opened his mouth, hesitation etched into the haggard lines of his face. 

“I promise I’ll still be here when you wake up.” 

He gave a little sigh, melting into her embrace. “I know.”

  
  



	13. Fish Out of Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ship is en route to the Fire Nation.  
> In the meantime, shenanigans ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written weirdly late at night so let's hope the grammar is up to snuff.

The next morning, Mai woke up late for the first time since she could remember. 

The angle of the sun was high where it streamed into the room, too sharp and too bright. A voice was ringing through the air, rattling so loudly in her ears that at first she could not pinpoint its source. 

She was late, she had to be. Late enough to be punished. 

Blindly, she made to throw the covers off of her bed, and realized that her legs were pinned down. Her heart rate skyrocketing, she bolted upright, sweat beading on her forehead as she looked for what was holding her—

And she looked down to see Zuko jerking awake next to her, snapping upright to look around her room with wide eyes. “What’s happening?” 

“Nothing,” she sighed, reaching down to pat his leg where it was still lying over hers. He must have thrown it over her at some point in his sleep.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, sweeping her hair over her shoulder with one hand to bare her sweaty neck to the cool air. “I thought we were being attacked when I heard you gasp.”

“Well we’re not, okay?” she grumbled, knuckling the sleep from her eyes so she would not have to see that anxious expression on his face. 

“Not being attacked, or not okay?” He leaned forward to rest his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m fine,” she shrugged, bouncing his jaw off of her. “So you can stop worrying.” 

Zuko gave her a sideways glance, still not looking entirely convinced. “You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

Mai sighed, defeated. “I’m not embarrassed. I… ” She hesitated, searching for the right words. “I didn’t realize I was here at first.”

Zuko scooted closer, wrapping his arms around her from behind and burying his head into her shoulder. 

Mai did not know how long they sat like that, as her heartbeat slowly began to return to normal, feeling his breath tickle her skin. She had forgotten how much he had smelled like smoke when he was anxious. She must have really startled him. Reaching up to run her fingers through his thick hair, she sighed again. “I thought I was in my old bedroom. From my parent’s house.”

He nodded, his nose squished against her neck. “Sometimes, when I wake up, I think I’m in my old room at the Fire Palace, before everything happened.” He leaned forward, brushing his lips over her cheek. “But we’re not in those places anymore, Mai. We’re here, and we’re together.”

“I know.” She turned her head to capture his mouth with hers. After a moment, she pulled away, trying to read his amber eyes. “Are you going to be okay being back in your bedroom when we get back to the Fire Palace?”

“You really think I’m going to get my old bedroom back?” Zuko gazed somewhere beyond her, his eyes flickering with an emotion she did not recognize. Hope? Guilt? Something in between?

“I don’t see why not, _Prince_ Zuko.” 

“You know what? I will be okay. It won’t matter if I have my old bedroom back, because I will have my honor back.” 

A sudden clatter filled the cabin, and both Mai and Zuko jumped, turning to stare at the golden pipe running up the wall. A garbled voice echoed down it— the same voice that had awoken Mai— “This is the captain speaking. Our lookout has just spotted a Giant Whale Squid off of our starboard side. We’re giving her a wide berth, but keep your eyes peeled. They’ve been known to attack ships as large as ours in these waters if they’ve got calves with them. Even if we don’t engage her, she’ll be a wondrous sight to behold!”

“We didn’t have those in my ship,” Zuko mumbled.

“Speaking tubes? Even the drill at Ba Sing Sae had—” she cut herself off as she caught sight of his crestfallen face. “Come on, Zuko,” She leaned forward to lay a hand on his arm, “When we get back to the Fire Nation, you’ll be free to have as many ships as you want, with all of the latest technology.” 

He shrugged, noncommittal, and hopped off her bed, kicking the shoes he had thrown last night together so he could fit his feet into them. “Do you want to see the Giant Whale Squid?” 

She tapped her lip, pretending to think about it. “I suppose that it sounds like one of the less boring animals in this ocean.”

He grinned mischievously, already recognizing her _yes._

“Let’s do it.” 

\--- 

Azula and Ty Lee were already on the deck, staring off into the distance. The sailors, also straining to see, were giving them just as wide a berth as the squid. They sprung aside, fear on their faces, as they heard Zuko and Mai’s footsteps approaching. 

“So, I see you finally emerged from your little love nest,” Azula called, turning to lean against the bow with a casual air. 

“What does that mean?” Zuko snapped, his hands curling into fists. 

“You’re so defensive, Zuzu.” She rolled her eyes. “I only meant that you missed breakfast. And in yesterday’s clothes, too. You should be more careful. I’m certain that even these boneheaded sailors have worked out exactly why you were missing.”

Zuko took a heavy step forward, tension rising in his shoulders. He must have fallen out of practice with Azula’s games for her to draw such a rise out of him so immediately. 

Mai raised a hand, the motion stopping him in his tracks. “It’s not worth it, Zuko,” she murmured. “You can relax, Azula. Nothing happened.” 

“Oh, really, Mai? You still have your _honor?”_

The smell of smoke rose heavy into the air, and Mai did not have to look to know that Zuko was about to tackle his sister to the deck, and there was nothing she could do to stop him. 

Azula’s smile widened. She knew it too, she knew she had him—

“Look! There it is!” Mai turned to see Ty Lee pointing at the horizon, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “I see the Giant Whale Squid!”

She craned her neck, trying to see where Ty Lee pointed. 

There. 

Just on the edge of where the midday sun split the sea into a million glimmering fragments, almost too blinding to look at, there was the lumpy back of an enormous creature, moving through the water with surprising grace for an animal of its size. Every so often, an enormous grey tentacle would break the water, slicing through the waves as the Whale Squid propelled itself forward. 

Mai jumped as Zuko’s hand slid into hers, his skin hotter than usual from the fire he had almost thrown. She glanced up to see his jaw set, even as he fixed his eyes on the horizon.

Clearly still stuck on Azula’s words.

A trickle of anxiety ran through Mai’s chest at the sight of his anger. His temper was so much shorter than it had been all those years ago. If she thought he would hurt her, even in a fit of rage, she would never have allowed herself to fall asleep beside him, but she still could not help but wonder what would happen if he and Azula came to blows. 

She pushed the thought away and trained her eyes on the Giant Whale Squid. 

It rose higher in the water, opening its beak to show lines of bristles where teeth would be. Before she could think about the strangeness of the animal, it thrust its head fully above the waves, sending an enormous spout of water arching into the air. 

Gasps rose from the assembled crew, and Mai gaped right along with them. 

“She’s beautiful!” Ty Lee cried out, swinging herself up to balance on the ship’s railing. 

“Yeah, she is,” Zuko murmured.

Mai turned to look at him, and was surprised to see him gazing at her rather than the whale, his eyes warm. “I think that’s the cheesiest thing you have ever said.”

“You can’t tell me you completely hate it.” 

She groaned, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I don’t _completely_ hate it.” She gave his hand a light squeeze. “Glad to see you’ve simmered down.”

He stiffened. “I hated to hear her say all those hurtful things about you. I wanted to make her take it back.”

“Why does it matter what she says? I know they’re not true. The only ones who would believe her are a handful of sailors with nothing better to do than gossip about the royal family.” 

“Azula always lies,” he replied, his voice hoarse. 

“Besides, I can defend myself.”

Zuko gave her a lopsided grin. “Oh, I know you can.”

And standing together, hand in hand, they watched the sea until the Giant Whale Squid had disappeared from sight. 

\---

As much as Ty Lee had been captivated by the whale, standing still for that long had clearly taxed her boundless energy. Balancing on the side of the ship like a tightrope, she paced back and forth, pointing out the fish that swam past her side of the boat. “Wouldn’t it be great to have a fish fry for lunch?” she called back to the trio standing on the solid deck, oblivious to Azula’s eye roll as she watched Ty Lee skip down the rail after a particularly fat fish. 

“Why would I want to? This whole ship smells like fish. I don’t need to taste it too.”

“You’re the one with firebending! I bet you could blast the fish right out of the water!”

“I could,” the princess agreed, tossing her head.

“Come on, Azula, pleeeeease?” she clasped her hands together, turning her best Fox Puppy eyes on first Azula, then Zuko. “We could make a game out of it!” 

“I suppose the alternative is placing an apple on Mai’s head and letting my brother push her into the water again.” 

“No,” Mai snapped, stepping a safe distance away to lean out over the water. There really were an awful lot of fish, riding the waves rolling off of the ship. 

“Which one do you want?” Zuko asked from behind her in a voice that he probably thought was flirty, circling his arm around her waist. 

“Hmmm…” she scanned the waves, trying to locate a promising looking fish amongst the flash of fins and tails. “That one.” She pointed to a sleek black fish, cutting through the water like one of her knives. 

“Good choice.” He kissed her cheek and stepped back, smoke curling around his fist. With a yell, he launched a ball of fire into the waves. The fish evaded him, darting quickly through the school of its brethren. “You’re not getting away from me that easily!” Planting his feet, Zuko launched another volley at the fish, fire sizzling as it hit the water. “Got it!”

The smell of cooking flesh rose into the air.

“Wait!” With a panicked cry, Zuko stretched forward as the fish began to sink, uselessly reaching for it with arms far too short to even reach the surface.

“I’ve got it,” Mai reached into her sleeve and pulled free one of her two blades with wire tied to its end. She sighted down the end, trying to consolidate the water’s refraction and the fish’s position in her mind’s eye. Taking a slow breath, she threw the knife into the water, bracing herself for the tug of the wire as it caught on her arm brace. 

The blade disappeared into the darkness of the water. Had she gotten it? Waving off Zuko as he hurried to help her, she pulled the line in, end over end. Slowly, dripping, the body of the fish rose from the water, skewered on the end of her knife. 

Heat surrounded her as Zuko punched the air with a fireball, his expression one of pride. “For you,” he said, pulling the fish free and handing it to her. 

She winced as its wet scales soaked through her fingerless gloves. “Oh joy.” 

He grinned at her as he glanced from her to her blade.

Then his mouth fell open. "Mai? Do you usually sleep with your knives?"

"Yes?" She flushed. "Usually not this many. I didn't expect to fall asleep before I changing out of my day clothes."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"They're all sheathed!" She stuck a finger in the air. " _And_ I took off my ankle darts!"

Zuko shook his head, the barest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Well, I'm glad you had them. Otherwise, this little guy would have died for nothing," he said, poking at the fish. 

And then came the slow clap from behind him. 

“Well, that was cute, I’ll give you that.” Azula stepped around her brother, nodding to the fish. “A less than impressive display of power, but cute.”

“I don’t see you with any fish,” he scoffed, folding his arms.

“Oh, really?” Smirking, the princess turned towards the ocean, raising two perfectly manicured fingers towards the school. With a bright flash and the smell of ozone, a bolt of lighting struck the waves.

For a tense moment, nothing happened.

Then, like ripples in a pool, spreading outwards from the strike, the fish rolled over in the water, their pale bellies turning upwards in a wave of their own 

“Ha!” Azula smirked. 

“That was amazing, Azula!” Ty Lee hopped down from the rail to stand beside the princess, staring into the water with an expression of awe. 

“I know.” Bringing her fingers to her lips, she whistled a sharp blast, summoning three sailors with an enormous net. “Lunch is on me today, boys,” she announced, bracing her hands on her hips. 

Zuko’s face reddened as he looked down at the single crisped fish in Mai’s hands. “Sorry it’s so small,” he mumbled.

“Small?” Mai held up the fish so that it’s glassy eyes were staring straight into Zuko’s. “This is way more than I can eat by myself.”

At her words, his blush darkened. “So… meal for two?”

  
  



	14. Dreams and Disasters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mai and Zuko return to the palace. With the Avatar seemingly out of the way and Zuko's banishment ended, they now must deal with the dreams and ambitions of everyone around them, even as they come to terms with the fact that they have never been allowed to pursue dreams of their own.

Mai’s mother was waiting for her on the dock. At the sight of her, waving from the crowd of servants and nobles, it took all of Mai’s willpower not to stop short on the gangplank. 

Ty Lee, walking beside her, gave her a sidelong glance, brow creased. “Your aura just darkened.”

“It’s nothing,” she murmured.

Ahead of her, Zuko and Azula walked side by side, backs straight. They looked every inch the returning heroes the nobles expected to greet. 

Even without seeing his face, Mai knew Zuko well enough to know that he was looking for his father. The Firelord’s absence likely made him just as anxious as her mother’s presence did. Surely, he would be welcomed home. The Avatar was dead. What more could Firelord Ozai ask of his son? 

A group of servants hurried forward as the royal party reached the dock, carrying a litter  with two seats, richly embossed with red and gold. Ignoring the offered hand of the servant that rushed to help her, Azula stepped up into her seat, nodding at the cheering crowd. 

Zuko’s shoulders rose and fell with a long breath— an anxious exhale that no one would hear above the raised voices. Following his sister’s example, he settled himself beside her. 

Mai wished he would look back at her, just so she could give him an encouraging nod, or smile, or  _ something,  _ but his gaze stayed fixed directly ahead, where the Fire Palace dominated the skyline. 

“Mai! You’ve returned!” Her mother rushed forward to grasp at one of her hands, balancing Tom-Tom on her hip. 

Ty Lee suddenly became very interested in her shoes. 

“I am so proud of you for bringing Prince Zuko home!” She stretched forward to give Mai a hug. Tom-Tom reached out to tug at her hair. 

Mai pulled away, grimacing. “I had help.”

“You assisted your Princess, as any good Fire Nation citizen, but more importantly, you performed the duties expected of a future Fire Lady. I assume you two are still involved?” 

“I thought you wanted me to forget about him,” she retorted, folding her arms. 

“Nonsense! It is a great honor to be the mother of the Fire Prince's girlfriend.”

“Oh, spare me.” Of course,  _ this  _ was the first time she had referred to Mai as Zuko’s girlfriend. Gritting her teeth, she stepped around her mother and made to follow the crowd.

A gasp broke her lips as her mother’s fingers bit into her arm, hard enough to bruise. 

“You forget, daughter,” she hissed, “that you represent our family here in court. I would advise you not to be so cavalier with the royal family’s favor. ”

“I will do my best.” Mai bowed her head. 

“Good.” 

Her chest aching, Mai turned soundlessly and hurried towards the palace. This time, her mother did not stop her.

She had almost reached the end of the dock when Ty Lee caught up to her, round face wrinkled with concern. “Are you alright?”

“Fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.”

Mai huffed out a breath. “I hate her.”

“Your mother?”

“Yes. Her and the whole stupid world.” 

Use or be used, wasn’t that it? She knew Ty Lee well enough not to voice the thought aloud. She saw the best in everyone, and would surely start pointing out all of the decent things about Mai’s mother. 

Mai was not sure she could deal with that conversation now, with the void in her chest gaping so wide, so numb. 

It was one thing when Mai brought up her friendship with Azula to get her way, both in court and out of it. Azula had used her all her life. She had played along dutifully, allowing her parents to use her right alongside the princess, who loved nothing more than having a daughter with friends in high places. 

But Zuko?

She could never use Zuko, no matter how her mother threatened and pleaded. 

“You don’t really hate her, do you?” Ty Lee stared up at her with wide brown eyes, clasping her hands together.

“I hate everything, remember?” 

“Yeah,” the acrobat sighed, “I forgot.”

The next leg of the walk was surprisingly quiet, especially for Ty Lee. Mai glanced sidelong at her friend, unsure of what to say, and was startled to see her staring at her with her face scrunched up. 

“Um… Ty Lee?”

At the sound of her voice, Ty Lee broke into a winning smile. “I’m sending you positive energy!”

Mai sighed, shaking her head. Of course. 

“Is it working?”

Looking into Ty Lee’s earnest face, it was impossible to say no.

Maybe she did feel lighter after all. 

\--- 

The Fire Palace was different after Zuko’s return. Nobles and servants seemed more cheerful, and people whispered with excitement that the end of the war was in sight. 

Maybe the change was partly with her. Her mother spent most of her time with the other ladies of the court, and with her father still in Omashu, there was less pressure upon Mai than ever before. 

It all was a welcome contrast to her time on the road. As much as she enjoyed her adventures with Ty Lee and Azula, it was nice to experience time to herself. She could not remember the last time she had enjoyed such a luxury. Even during her time at the academy, she had always been on someone else’s schedule.

She had initially worried that returning to the Fire Palace after such a long time would be boring, especially considering all she had experienced, but the time she spent with Zuko had broken through the monotony and shaped the pieces into something wonderful. 

It was like he was single handedly trying to make up for all the time they had missed.

When he saw her in the hallway, he would pull her into corners for kisses, and they went on picnics beside the turtle duck pond, the beach, and the palace’s many dining rooms for at least one meal a day. Sometimes more. 

It was hard to believe that she was anyone’s first priority, but Zuko made her feel wanted like no one else had in her entire life. 

Now, they lay sprawled in the grass beside the turtle duck pond, Mai’s head on Zuko’s shoulder and his arm around her waist.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, his breath warm on her cheek.

“Boring stuff.” Mai stretched, settling herself closer to him. She was not going to get caught up in her thoughts and ruin such a peaceful moment. 

“Well, do you want me to tell you something interesting?” He pointed up at the sky, where dozens of stars flickered, spheres of white fire. “The sailors taught me which constellations were which. See the one that looks like a diamond?”

“There?” Mai squinted up, trying to follow his line of sight. 

“No, there.” His touch gentle, he took her hand and pointed it at a cluster of stars. “That’s Rava, the light constellation. The brightest star, at the point of her tail, always faces north. The sailors use it to navigate with.”

“I knew the North Star, but not that it was part of a larger constellation.”

He gave her hand a light squeeze. “All stars are part of larger constellations.” The warmth in his voice, layered with double meaning, set Mai’s cheeks aflame. 

“What about that squiggly set of lines, up there?” She pointed to a set over Zuko’s shoulder, so he would not see her face.

“That’s Agni, the flame. Some say those who are born under it are born lucky, but I don’t believe in that kind of thing.” 

“In destiny?”

“In luck.” He reached up to wind a lock of her hair around his finger. “My destiny, to make my father proud of me and restore my honor, brought me back to you. To the Fire Nation.”

“I don’t believe in destiny. My parents have been in charge of my decisions for so long. I’m only just now beginning to free myself from their expectations and starting to make my own way. The last thing I need is some stupid cosmic energy controlling me.”

“I’ve been so focused on capturing the Avatar, that I have never had time to stop and think about what my future might hold.”

“And now your future is in your hands, not your father’s. There would be chaos if he banished the man who killed the Avatar for a second time.” 

Zuko shrugged with one shoulder, turning away from her to curl up on his side. 

“Zuko?” She leaned forward to rest her chin on his shoulder, watching his eyes flutter shut. When he did not respond, she draped her arm over his body and cuddled up behind him, her chest to his back. He did not offer any elaboration, and she did not ask it of him, as they breathed as one in each other's embrace. 

It did not take long for them to fall asleep like that, basking in one another’s warmth. 

And then Mai was back in Ba Sing Se.

She found herself standing before the palace, her limbs weighed down by the heavy folds of the Kyoshi warrior’s disguise, her face caked with thick makeup, stifling against her sweaty skin. 

Where was Azula? Or Ty Lee? Hell, even the bear would be a welcome face to see. 

Yet the citadel stayed empty. 

No, not quite. A rustle of movement, no louder than a breath on the wind, caught her attention. Slowly, her muscles moving as if she were wading through jelly, Mai raised her head to see the steepled roof above her. 

Crouched above her like a spider, pale face stretched in a permanent snarl, a Dai Lee Agent prowled. Adrenaline spiked through her chest as he sprung at her, the stone gloves he wore circling his body like missiles. 

Well, if he thought she would not go down without a fight, he had another thing coming.

Baring her teeth, she reached into her sleeve, groping for her blades—

— and found nothing. 

The Dai Lee Agent struck the ground, sending a shockwave of shattered earth towards her as he landed, forcing her to shield her face. 

How could she be without her knives? Surely she had packed them this morning! Mai reached into her other sleeve, horror mounting as she found nothing. Even the reassuring weight of her ankle and wrist holsters were gone, leaving her arms and legs painfully bare. 

Panting, she raised her fists, preparing to fight.

And the first of the earthbender’s gloves struck against her shoulder, sending her flying backwards, pinning her against the cracked stone. She tasted blood in her mouth and suddenly she was blinking against the uncomfortable sensation of both being in her body and out of it, watching herself strike her head backwards against the ground. She arched her neck to see behind her, searching for some place to run, an improvised weapon, some form of escape. 

And there was Zuko. 

“Zuko! I need backup!” she cried out, pain filling her voice as the Dai Lee Agent’s glove dug its fingers deeper into her flesh. 

He gazed down at her coldly, no recognition in his face.

“Zuko!” The scream tore its way from her throat as he turned from her— turned his back to her, on her— and walked away. “ZUKO!” 

She reached for him, as if she could grab him, pull him towards her, ask him _ why. _

Then the second glove clamped down on her wrist, wrenching her shoulder backwards until her muscles protested.

Struggling to rise as the Earthbender bore down on her, his dark eyes glinting with blue fire, she pushed out, trying to push him away, to free herself—

And her hands struck something far more solid. 

Her heart lurching, Mai bolted upright, the dream shattering like glass around her. Her hands were still braced against Zuko’s chest where she had shoved him— he must have rolled over to face her at some point in his sleep.

Guilt rising in her throat, she tucked her arms close to her body, hating that she had struck him, even in her sleep. She was always so controlled. Why did Zuko have to be the one she hurt when she was unconscious? 

_ And yet, the memory of his soulless eyes, as he had left her to her fate…  _

Tearing her hands through her hair, she pushed the remnants of the nightmare away. Zuko was here, he had not left her, and he would not leave her. Her knives were properly sheathed within her sleeves, and she was _ not  _ helpless _.  _

A soft whimper started her from her thoughts.

“Zuko?” She looked down to see him curling tighter upon himself, one hand weakly grabbing for his face. He had to be deep within some dream if he had not awoken when she had shoved him. If the sweat beading on his forehead was any indication, it was just as bad as hers. 

A sharp intake of breath parted his lips, and his hand curled over his scarred eye.

She placed her hand over his, pulling it gently away from his face and weaving her fingers with his. “I’m here,” she whispered, “You’re safe.” Tucking herself close to him, she leaned her forehead against his, willing their nightmares to disappear. 

Ugh. Ty Lee was getting to her.

Still. Some part of her wished that Ty Lee’s energy ridiculousness was real, if only to give her a good night’s sleep for once. 

A light pressure settled over her hand as Zuko’s fingers closed around hers, a sleepy, careless motion. Was it just her imagination, or had his breathing evened, just a fraction? 

Pressing a light kiss to the back of his hand, she settled herself against the grass, wishing she could settle her thoughts as easily. 

Whether it was destiny, luck, the influence of the stars above her, some kind of positive energy superstition, Zuko’s presence, or something else entirely, when Mai fell asleep again, she did not dream. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this chapter title is an Owl City reference.


	15. Smoothing the Edges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Mai talk it out on Ember Island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewatched the Beach Episode so it was fresh in my mind when I wrote this. The look on Mai's face when Zuko accused her of not believing in anything was hard to see.

Lying in the guest room she shared with Azula and Ty Lee, Mai felt empty. Destroying those idiot boys’ house had been the most fun she had experienced in the entire vacation on Ember Island. So why was she still lying awake? 

Azula and Ty Lee were sound asleep, but she could not get comfortable.

She should have felt vindicated— she had felt vindicated, watching Chan break down and cry— but now she felt numb.

Giving up on sleep, she shoved the covers from her bed and walked on silent feet from the bedroom, down the hall, and to the balcony, where the cool night air sent the wind chimes tinkling. 

Sighing, she rested her chin on her hands, staring down at the waves lapping on the shore. 

“What are you doing out of bed so late, my dear?”

“Don’t you know lack of sleep is unhealthy for a growing girl?” The croaking voices spoke from behind her. 

Mai jumped, whirling around to see Li and Lo, the twin crones who owned the house they were occupying. Azula could tell them apart, but Mai had never picked up that ability. 

“I can’t sleep,” she muttered, folding her arms over her chest. 

“You look flustered,” the first woman replied, wagging a finger at her.

“Lover’s quarrel?”

“No,” she snapped.

“Now now, dearie, Li and I have seen enough in our day to tell,” said the ancient woman on the right, who Mai supposed had to be Lo. 

“And we’re very good listeners!” Li chortled, clapping her sister on the back. 

“Come now, dear, tell us what the matter is.”

“Nothing’s the matter. I’m just enjoying the ocean.”

“Enjoying the ocean well past midnight?” 

“With that dismal expression?” Lo exchanged a smug look with her sister. 

“This is just my face!” Mai huffed.

“I’ve seen you smile at the prince.”

“And Princess Azula.”

“And Ty Lee.”

“Rarely,” Mai held up her hands, her expression souring even farther from the smile the twins were discussing. “I’m not the sort of starry eyed floozy to go about her day with a dopey grin on her face just because others expect it of me.”

“That’s not a nice thing to say about Ty Lee,” Li snickered, elbowing her sister with one wrinkled arm.

“Excuse me?” She did not have to put up with this. Mai made to step past them, but a pair of bony fingers caught her arm.

“Come now, dear, all in good fun,” Lo said, patting her on the shoulder. “We want to offer some advice.”

“If it is a lover’s quarrel—”

Mai opened her mouth, but Lo cut both her and her sister off. “And we’re not saying it is.”

“But if it was—”

“—you should never go to sleep angry,” they said at once.

“Or all your love will turn into resentment.” Li put in.

“Fire Lord Ozai and his wife Ursa used to go to bed angry with one another.” Lo whispered.

The sisters spread their hands, once again speaking together. “And look where they ended up!” 

“I’m not— I haven't—” Mai sputtered, completely lost for words.

“Just think about what we said, dearie,” Li smiled, patting her cheek.

“You’ll thank us some day!” Lo called over her shoulder, she and her twin turning at the same time and heading for the balcony’s door.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Mai muttered, “And they call themselves advisors.” Yet they did have a point. She and Zuko had almost broken up today. Was he feeling as numb as she was? 

If she and Zuko were going to end up like Ozai and Ursa, it would be better to call it off for good. 

But if she and Zuko broke up, would anyone want her ever again?

Mai pushed the thought away. She hated that Li and Lo were right, but if talking to Zuko would ease the horrible gulf in her chest, she would do it.

Her heart in her throat, she padded down the hall towards the room the sisters had given Zuko, hoping she would not run into either of them. 

Nervously smoothing her dress, she knocked softly on the door. 

A dazed mumble of “Who is it?” sounded from beyond it. 

“It’s Mai.”

After a moment, the door opened and Zuko appeared, his hair mussed from sleep. “Come in.” He closed the door softly behind her and flopped back down on his bed, his eyes drifting shut. He had made room for her next to him, as he always did. 

“Zuko, I’m not here to cuddle you,” Mai said firmly. “I want an apology.”

He sat up quickly, his expression shuttered. “What for?”

“How you acted today. I want to talk about it.” 

He folded his arms. “We did talk about it.”

“No, I blew up, then you blew up, and then we kissed.” 

“Fine.” He pushed himself up off the bed and stood before her, his hands on his hips. “Are we going to talk about how you acted today too?”

Mai reeled back, feeling as though someone slapped her. “And how did I act, exactly?”

“You were flirting with that guy!” 

“No, he was talking to me. The only one who read anything else into it was you. You know I don’t like parties where I don’t know anyone. I was bored out of my mind. The last thing I would want is some pretentious party boy hitting on me. And even if he was,” she stepped up to poke Zuko in the chest, “you should have a little more faith in me! I wasn’t worried about that girl in Ba Sing Sae,” at the mention of her, guilt flickered over Zuko’s face, “because I trust you! Why can’t you trust me?” She sighed. “I was going to tell you as much when you returned, but then you had to throw it back in my face.”

“He and his friends were being smug bastards,” he huffed. “He needed to be taught a lesson.”

“You didn’t have to throw him across the room. You attacked him, who was clearly an untrained idiot, with the full force of a Fire Nation soldier! You could have killed him!”

“But I didn’t.”

“Do you know how terrifying that was to watch?”

“Mai—” He reached for her face, and she could not help but flinch back, the memory of his fury too fresh in her mind. The color drained from his cheeks. “Mai, you know I would never hurt you.” 

“You did today. The things you said were horrible.” 

“You made me feel unwanted.” He dropped his hand, cradling it as if he did not know what to do if he could not touch her. 

“So did you.” Mai stared him down, unflinching. 

He dropped his gaze to the floor. “I don’t really think you don’t believe in anything, you know,” he mumbled. 

“That was the cruelest thing you could have said to me. I know Azula and Ty Lee both think it, but hearing it from you? Out loud?” She shook her head. “I’ve watched you grow angrier by the day. I know you are mad at yourself, but you are taking it out on people who love you.” 

“I’m sorry, Mai,” he whispered, “I truly am. May I?” He reached out hesitantly, indicating a lock of her hair that had fallen into her face.

“Yes,” she breathed, leaning into his hand. 

He tucked the strands behind her ear, his touch reverent. “I keep convincing myself that you don’t care, Mai. I don’t want to believe it, but you are bored by the world, and you hate so many things that are so much better than I am. How can you want me, when I am much more miserable than volleyball, the boys at that party, and the color orange? I can’t even make you happy.”

“Zuko, you do make me happy.” She grabbed his hands, “I can’t express myself well, not like you or Ty Lee can. Maybe I don’t like those things, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate you. I don’t like volleyball because I think it’s pointless. I couldn’t stand those boys because they talked and talked and never really said anything. And I don’t like the color orange because it hurts my eyes. I can enjoy talking with you and spending time with you without having to force myself to be someone I’m not, or pretend to like the things I find dull. You’ve never made me be anyone but me. And that’s how I express myself to you.” She searched his anxious eyes, hoping he would understand what she was trying to say. “I am always honest with you, and I don’t put up the proper lady front people expect of me when I am around you. I am myself, and nothing else.” She squeezed his hands. “ _That’s_ how I show you that I care.” 

He smiled ruefully, squeezing back. “When you shut me down at the beach, back when I found you that shell, I thought you were finally realizing that you were bored of me. I guess I was wrong.”

She sighed. “Zuko, I shut you down because you were trying to one-up all of the boys drooling after Ty Lee. I’ve been an accessory to my parents all my life, and I don’t want to go back to being one now, just so you can impress some strangers you will never see again.” She could not help the edge of annoyance that crept into her voice.

“Mai, I wasn’t. I swear.” He wrapped his arms around her, speaking gently into her ear. “Iroh’s wife died before I was born, and my father is… well, my father. I don’t know how to show you how much I love you, and they seemed to be doing a great job getting Ty Lee to smile. That’s all I was trying to do. I wanted us to enjoy our first vacation together.” He pulled away, his face falling. “Now look how much I’ve ruined it. Gah!” He turned away, his profile in the moonlight as dark as it had been by the bonfire’s light. “I ruin _everything.”_

“Zuko, no.” She leaned forward to embrace him from behind. “I am so sorry for assuming the worst about you.” She reached up to turn his chin towards her, running a thumb over his jawline. “I hate the world, but I care what you think. You hate yourself, but you care what all the world thinks. I wish you could see yourself like I see you.”

“A disaster waiting to happen?” he chuckled darkly. “A jerk who is going to hurt you again the next time I lose my temper? 

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” She brought her other hand up to clasp his cheeks, looking him right in the eye. “I’m here, talking to you, because I want to work this out. I’m here because someone needs to convince your sorry ass that you are worth loving.”

“So are you.” He reached up to grip her face as well, mirroring her fierce expression. 

“What?” Of all the things she had expected him to say, _that_ was not it.

“I’ve seen your face when you think no one is looking. You might not be a bending prodigy like Azula, or a social butterfly like Ty Lee, but you are a powerful warrior, a down to earth thinker, and the girl I have loved since I knew what love was.”

“Oh yeah? You’re a kind, loyal person, who has never given up, not once in his life. Even when you were a dumb little boy who didn’t know one end of a knife from the other, I didn’t hate you.”

“Oh, so we’re back to that?” Zuko grinned, one side of his mouth pulling higher than the other. 

“Kiss me and find out.” She could not help but smile back.

His mouth crashed into hers with such energy that their noses smashed together. Angling his head, Zuko pulled her closer, so eagerly that her aching nose was the last thing on her mind. Stretching up to loop her arms around his neck, she leaned in— 

And a sailor’s curse broke from his lips as he tipped over, scrabbling for purchase as he fell backwards onto his bed. 

“Ow!” Mai gasped as her forehead slammed against his, hard enough that her teeth rattled. She rolled over, clutching at her head. Years of etiquette lessons kept her from repeating Zuko’s curse, but she came close.

“Did I hurt you?” Zuko’s voice was muffled where he pressed his hands to his own head.

“Yes,” she mumbled. “You?”

“Yeah. I saw stars. And not just because you’re a good kisser.” 

Mai groaned. 

“Too soon?”

“I’ll let you know how cheesy that was when my headache goes away.” She curled up, her head swimming. “I think I’m going to stay here for a bit. Just until I get my bearings.” 

“Good. Just like I planned.” Clearly Zuko was well enough to quip. 

They lapsed into silence, both grimacing. 

It was Zuko who broke it first, as he reached out to smooth her hair, gently enough that he would not disturb her aching head. “Thank you for coming to talk to me. I didn’t realize how much I needed that.”

“I didn’t want to go to bed angry.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. I would have.” He sighed. “I’m sorry again for everything.”

She smiled, even though he could not see it. “I’m sorry too.” 

“You didn’t concuss your girlfriend a minute ago.” He huffed out a laugh, tracing her spine with one finger. “You know, you would make a good Fire Lady.”

Mai’s breath stopped short. Was he implying what she thought he was? Her chest fizzed with a mixture of anxiety and excitement at the thought. 

“You don’t have to say anything, I’m just thinking out loud,” Zuko leaned forward to press a kiss to her shoulder. “I guess we’ll have to find out.”

  
  



	16. Sugar and Ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm super tired from a butt ton of writing classes but I still wanted to write a bit creatively, so here you go. Full disclosure: It has not been proofread. 
> 
> It's angsty a bit at the beginning, but the end is totally cheesy and fluffy, exactly what I needed to work out my crazy school stress.

Mai lay in the parlor of her family’s chambers in the fire palace, sharpening her knives. The cool metal lay heavy in her hands, sending tiny sparks into the air as she struck the blade against the whetstone. The color of the embers were bright white, a shade somewhere between Zuko’s warm yellow and Azula’s brilliant blue. 

She barely jumped as the door slammed open and Zuko stormed in, his face thunderous. Teeth gritted, he dropped to the couch beside her, his head in his hands. 

“What happened?” She raised her eyebrows at him over her knives. When he did not reply, she stretched out her feet to lay them in his lap. “Zuko?”

“I talked to Azula,” he groaned, raising his head like a heavy weight. His eyes were dark beneath his scar. “She was invited to the war meeting.”

“Did she say you couldn’t come?”

“No.”

“Then go.” 

“I don’t want to go.” 

“Then don’t.” She set her blades aside and sighed, reaching to lay her hand upon his shoulder.

He rose to his feet and stalked to the window, not even noticing her outstretched hand. 

“Zuko...” She followed after him, her chest tightening at the tension in his shoulders. 

No matter what she said, Zuko would barely look at her. 

They could pretend the war meeting did not matter, but it was impossible to pretend their futures did not hinge entirely on his father’s inconsistent opinion. She only wished she could make him see that he had done nothing wrong. 

Gently, she reached to turn the prince’s chin towards her, but he pulled away, his eyes unfocused as he continued to gaze past her, out the window. 

She cityline beyond them lay cold and distant, impassive to their plight. Zuko’s birthright. She could not imagine how he was feeling.

Leaving him to brood, she stepped over to one of the servants standing by the door, who was pointedly looking at anywhere but her and Zuko. 

“Could I get a fruit tart for me and the Prince?”

“A giant one with rose petals?” the servant gave a semi bow, his fist pressed to his palm.

“Just a small one to share, this time.” 

He bowed deeper and scurried through the door. Zuko did not react, draped over the window frame, his breathing unsteady.

Mai settled herself on the couch, picking her knives back up. 

His back still to her, Zuko flinched at the sound of metal on metal. 

“Zuko?”

“I’m fine.” He buried his head in his hands, his elbows braced against the window frame. 

She sheathed her knives in her sleeves, sighing. “You can talk to me, Zuko. I know my mother is easier to avoid than the Fire Lord, but I do understand what it is like to have miserable parents.”

“That’s the thing!” He wheeled around, his face stricken, “I don’t want to avoid him! I want him to accept me!” 

“He will, Zuko. He has to.” 

“When?!” The naked pain on his face was that of a hurt child, his amber eyes wide and vulnerable as they searched hers. He ran a finger down his scar, hanging his head as he shuffled towards her. Tucking his head down, he buried his head in her chest, cuddling up to her like a scared little boy. “When?” he repeated, his voice softer, broken. 

She shrugged helplessly, stroking over his hair. The dark strands were tightly bound in his prince’s topknot, but even his hair was looser than the muscles of his back, tense and trembling. He wrapped his arms around her neck, and she could feel the calluses of his fingers catch against the silk of her dress. 

An unsteady voice cleared its throat from somewhere beyond the sofa, and Zuko shot upright, his cheeks flushing.

The servant stood at the door, shifting his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably as he held up a fruit tart bedecked with strawberries and cream. 

“Did you…?” Zuko trailed off, motioning to the servant.

“I told you I wanted a tart.” Nodding her thanks to the servant as he placed the dessert on the table in front of them, she drew the knife they had provided and began to cut the tart into pieces. “You need some sugar.”

“Things I never thought _you_ would say to me,” he chuckled, nudging her with his shoulder.

“Just because I’m a bitter person, I can’t appreciate sweet things?” A cheeky smile tugging at one corner of her mouth, she swiped her finger through some of the cream and dotted it on his nose. 

“Hey!” His eyes went wide, the weight lifting from them almost instantly. “I’ll get you back for that one!”

“Are you sure about that?” Quick as a snake, she reached out to dab whipped cream on first one cheek, then the other. 

Laughing, Zuko grabbed a handful of the cream for himself and flicked it at her, sending drops all over Mai’s face. 

“Hey!” She sprang backwards, over the arm of the couch, as he reached for her again, landing behind it in a crouch. The giggle rising in her throat surprised her, but she was too distracted to care as he leapt to his feet, his eyes never leaving her face. 

The couch lay between them, an easily jumped obstacle, but where was the fun in that? 

He chased her in a circle around the couch, faking first right, then left, clearly trying to get her to run towards him. 

Mai did not fall for it. 

Eyes alight, she braced her hands against the back of the couch, watching for any move, any flicker of muscle that would betray his next action. 

A muscle feathered in his jaw for a split second— there, that was his tell— before he circled around after her, grinning toothily. 

She darted away with ease, evading his grasping hands. 

With her as quick as she was, he definitely did not expect her to stop short in front of the couch and spin towards him. 

Eyes widening, he collided with her, but she was prepared.

Shifting her center of gravity forward, Mai tackled him to the couch. 

He let out an _oof_ as her full weight landed on his chest. 

“I win,” she whispered, kissing him on the nose, where the first dollop of cream still sat. 

“I know what you’re doing,” he said against her mouth.

“What am I doing?”

“Trying to distract me from the war meeting.”

“Is it working?” 

He stretched up to kiss her, settling her more comfortably against him. “For the most part.” 

“Good.” 

“You have cream in your hair,” he commented, combing his fingers through her bangs. With each pass of his hands, the mess spread. “Hold still,” he muttered, tugging just harder than was comfortable. 

She batted him away, flushing at the indignity of the sugar that glued the strands together. With her nails, she got rid of most of it, but the sticky residue remained. “I suppose we should actually eat the tart,” Mai sighed, raising her hands in defeat. 

Zuko clapped a hand over his mouth, but not before she could see the bemused smile tugging at the corners of his lips. 

Shaking her head, she swung her legs off of him and rolled to the floor. Although it was slightly melted and chunks were missing, the dessert still looked delicious. Mai plucked a piece of strawberry from the top and popped it in her mouth, closing her eyes to relish the sweet taste. 

Zuko settled himself beside her and reached for one of the pieces she had cut. As he bit into it, the flaky crust crumbled down his chin. In his hands, the piece was rapidly melting, soft pastry disintegrating beneath the heat of his skin. “Quick, it’s collapsing,” he said with his mouth full, thrusting it at Mai. 

Rolling her eyes at the twinkle in his gaze, she leaned forward to bite into the piece he held. Crumbs spilled down her front, but she could not bring herself to care. 

“You know what I want to do?” he spoke up suddenly, swallowing his mouthful of tart.

She smirked at him. “A rematch?”

He giggled, wiping at his mouth. “A portrait, actually. Azula made a joke earlier about me having a sitting with the court painter, but I was thinking something much more informal. Just us, you know?” 

She frowned, considering his words. “Would I have to dress up?”

“No, just as you are.”

“Then I guess I wouldn’t hate it.”

His eyes lit up, and he reached for her hand without another word. She dropped the piece of tart she was holding and almost tumbled straight into his arms.

“You mean now?” 

“Why not?” Zuko’s face was radiant with excitement. “What else is the court painter doing right now? Recruitment posters for the Fire Nation army?”

“I’m covered in tart, for starters.” 

Zuko chuckled and reached into his sleeve for a handkerchief. “I almost forgot about that.” 

Shaking her head, she wiped the cream from her face, trying to hide the giddiness that fizzed in her chest at the spontaneity of it all. “Did I get everything?”

“You missed a spot,” he leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to her lips. “There. Much better.”

She threw the handkerchief at his head, her face warming. He caught it easily and reached for her hand. “Come on. Let’s go see the court painter.” He pressed another kiss to the corner of her mouth, a kiss that tasted of sugar. “Even if my father and Azula have the war meeting, we can have this.” His voice tasted bitter in the air. 

“I don’t want to have a portrait painted if it’s just to spite Azula.”

“It’s something for me to remember you by,” he added, giving her fingers a light squeeze.

“Zuko, I told you I’m not going anywhere.” Mai ran her thumb along the back of his hand as they walked towards the door. “No matter what.”

The smile he gave her did not reach his eyes. 

“Even if Azula and Firelord Ozai don’t agree,” she added firmly. 

“Thank you,” he breathed. “I’m here for you too.” His eyes crinkled as he motioned with their intertwined hands to the door. “Shall we?”

Mai shot him a smirk. “It sounds interesting.”

She was wrong.

Mai had never been so bored in her life and that was saying something. She stood beside Zuko in the court painter’s room as a slender young artist pored over a long scroll of paper with a bottle of ink and a brush, hoping that the woman would not paint her looking as uninterested as she felt. 

They had already been reprimanded twice for talking and once for kissing. Even Zuko’s eyes were starting to glaze over as he stared at a point somewhere above the artist’s head. 

Mai’s feet were numb from standing when _f_ _inally,_ the artist stepped back from her paper, tucking her brush behind her ear. “What do you think, Prince Zuko?” she asked.

Mai nudged his shoulder with hers.

“What?”

The woman shot her a furtive glance. “The painting, Prince Zuko. Is it passable?” 

“I am sure it will be.” Zuko took Mai's hand as they stepped up to look at the fine lines of ink, scrolling over their bodies where they stood shoulder to shoulder so that it was impossible to tell where she ended and he began. His hair done up in the golden flame pin, his face unreadable, he looked every inch the prince the Fire Nation expected him to be.

Mai, on the other hand, looked bored. 

“You look beautiful,” he whispered, turning his head to speak the words against her ear. She could feel his light chuckle, his warm breath on her skin. 

She shrugged with one shoulder, giving his hand a light squeeze in return. It was only what she saw when she looked in the mirror. Boring. 

“I mean it. You look beautiful.” He pressed closer, nosing at her cheek. “You should hang it up so everyone can see just how much.” 

Maybe she did. It was hard to tell. “If you say so.” 

“I do.”

“Fine.” 

“Fine!” 

She could not help but roll her eyes at the distinctive whine in his tone. 

“Wonderful work. Have the portrait taken to the parlor in Mai’s house and hung up,” Zuko ordered the artist, who bowed deeply. “Come on, Mai, I have to show you something.” He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, his fingers warm even through the thin material of her fingerless gloves. 

She smirked, brushing her bangs back from her face to hide the blush beginning to spread over her cheeks. “Someone is spontaneous tonight.” 

“It’s a gift.” Without a backwards glance, he pulled her out of the artist’s chambers and into the hallway, breaking into a run the moment they were out of the door. 

She matched him step for step, shoulder to shoulder, grinning as he glanced down at her with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. 

She followed him through the hallway, past the few servants and nobles still awake so late at night, past the portraits of Fire Lords past who seemed to glower down at the two miscreants forsaking the quiet ambiance of their gallery. 

As they turned the next corner, he skidded, feet slipping on the slick tile. His shoulder knocked into hers, and only decades of combat training kept Mai on her feet. She could see his eyes widening, his mouth already shaping an apology, and she threw her weight left, right back into him. 

Unprepared, he staggered, throwing out an arm to embrace her and balance himself all at once. 

“Mai—”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me, Zuko. Show me what you want to show me.” 

His grip on her hand tightened, and they were off again, out the door, onto the outer walkways, down a set of stairs, and into a blanket of soft grass, blanketed by the vault of starry sky overhead.

Mai sucked in a breath, recognizing the place immediately. 

The turtle ducks had gone to sleep, but the tree, the pond— 

“This is where we first kissed,” he murmured, stopping short so suddenly she almost collided with him. 

“It is. Are you asking me for a reprise?” She snickered, unladylike. “Sorry, _another_ reprise?” 

“No. I just wanted to show you something.” Motioning for her to follow him, he settled himself on the ground beside the pool. 

“The pond?” She knelt next to him, unsure of what to say.

He did not look at her, his eyes fixed on their reflections in the water. “A few days ago, you told me you wished I could see myself the way you see me. It’s not perfect, but I want to show you how I see you.” He nodded towards the still pool. “Go on, Mai.”

She suppressed an eye roll and leaned forward. “I swear, if you push me in—”

Her words stopped short as he hugged her from behind, locking eyes with her in the reflection of the Turtleduck pond’s surface. 

“I mean it every time I say you are beautiful,” he murmured, resting his chin on her shoulder. “Humor me?”

“Humor you how?”

“Look with me.”

She opened her mouth to tell him how much of an idiot he was being, but found she could not shape the words. Not when he was giving her those Doecat eyes in the water. “Go on.” 

“Wow, really?” He coughed, “I mean… great. Thanks for hearing me out.” He tugged at his bangs, flushing so dark that even the blue stained double in the pond reddened. “Okay, for starters, I really love your hair. I enjoy playing with it, and I have no idea how you can keep it so neat in your buns, no matter how tough the fight is. It’s incredible.” He tangled his hands in her hair as he spoke, his touch slow and absent minded. 

“I like your hair too,” she smiled, reaching up to pull the pin free from his topknot. His hair tumbled free, bangs flopping down into his eyes. “It suits you well— better than before you left, certainly. I like it down.” 

“Stop it, this is about you!” He reached up to neaten his bangs, but instead of pulling his hair back, he tucked the clip into his sleeve. His face reddened even further, something Mai had not thought possible until that moment. “Where was I? Right.” He pointed to her reflection again. “I admire your hands. You are so skilled with your knives and your darts. You always have been. As Azula would say, you have princess fingers.” 

“I don’t think that’s a compliment.”

“Sure it is.” He entwined his fingers with hers. “I love your hands.” 

“They’ve gotten much more calloused in the past three years.” She grimaced, “Much to my mother’s chagrin.” She adopted her mother’s nasal tone. “‘A noble lady does not acquire knife scars and calluses! Honestly, who raised you?'” 

“I don’t mind. Mine have as well.” He spread their fingers together, comparing sizes. He had squarer palms, but her fingers were longer, thinner, more than making up for lost width in length. Hardened skin laced her thumb and index finger where they pressed into the hilts of her blades. Compared to Zuko’s, however, cracked and rough from years of living at sea, she had nothing to complain about. As he took her hands again in his own, she was reminded once again of how effortlessly their fingers fit together. 

“Also your mouth.” He raised their woven hands to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to her first knuckle. “I know you don’t always enjoy talking, but I always love it when we talk, even at miserable hours of the night.” He bit his lip, his flush finally spreading to his ears. “Also your kisses.”

“I’m glad I’m not a boring kisser, at least.” 

“Mai, nothing about you is boring!” He gazed up at her, his expression earnest. “Believe me when I say that!” 

“When you’re with me all the hours of the day I’m with me, it gets old.” Her mouth quirked as she cracked the joke, but she could not help the pang in her stomach as the words were spoken aloud. She had not dared voice it to anyone else.

“Mai, I have never been bored of you, and I will never be bored of you.” Zuko leaned forward, cupping the back of her neck with one solid hand. The kiss was light and sweet. Gentle. A steady reminder that he was here. He was real.

“I’m here for you, Zuko, for as long as you will have me,” she murmured against his mouth. 

He pressed her closer, his warmth intoxicating. Why did firebenders get to be so _warm?_ It was totally disarming and definitely not fair. 

“And last, but certainly not least,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers, “I love your eyes. I think they are enchanting, and gorgeous, and a bunch of other words that left my head completely when I kissed you.” His own eyes were glowing amber in the dark, flickering with the bright embers that lay just behind them. Mai had never seen eyes that were full of such cozy warmth, golden above the shadows that circled below them. She suspected he had not been without those dark circles in some time. 

“Your eyes too,” she said, running a thumb beneath his good eye.

He leaned into her touch, sighing. “I just wish I had kept both of them.”

“Don’t be silly. I love both your eyes equally.” She raised her other hand to stroke gently over his other eyelid, careful not to press too hard against the rough skin. “Is this okay?” 

He nodded, letting out a small sigh as she ran her thumb over where his eyebrow had once been. _What he did to you…_ She did not dare say it out loud. The last thing Zuko needed was to be reminded once again, just as his shoulders relaxed, pressing his cheek into her palm the way she had seen cats do. She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and hugged him close. 

“Mai?” He spoke up after a few moments, blinking up at her slowly, the way he did when he was inches from falling asleep.

“Hmmm?” 

“Do you believe me now? That you’re beautiful?” 

“Yeah,” she squeezed him tighter, her heart almost painfully full. “Yeah, Zuko, I do.” 

“I bet they have finished hanging that portrait up, if you want to go look at it,” She could feel, more than see, his smirk. “Now that you can see the truth.”

“I think I’d rather stay here for a bit,” she replied, suddenly afraid of losing his touch, his warmth. If only they could stay like this, beside the turtle duck pond, forever. 

“That can be arranged.” He chuckled, the low rumble running through his chest soothing. “Just don’t let me fall asleep here again, okay? At some point we at least have to go back to your house.”

“I think that can be arranged as well.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The portrait in question is the one in the Black Sun episode that Zuko looks at in Mai's house. It was a recent portrait and included his scar, so someone had to paint it at some point since his return!  
> I was going to add a picture but apparently Netflix blacks out screenshots so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> (Yes I copy pasted the shrugging boy but this chapter took me like 4+ hours after zoom school because my brain was lagging the entire time and now I'm FRIED)
> 
> EDIT: The lovely wanderlustnostalgia (I have no idea how to tag, I'm sorry) found me the actual portrait somewhere on the inter webs! Many thanks to her, and you should totally check out her fics! (Especially her AU Teashop one, if you want to have your heart warmed by 100%)


	17. Before the Sun Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mai knows something is wrong.  
> Zuko knows everything is wrong.

Mai woke up feeling deceptively warm on the day of the Black Sun.

In that muzzy space just after waking where her mind was not entirely clear, she cuddled closer to Zuko, knotting her fingers in his shirt to pull him closer to her, head cradled against the slope of his shoulder. 

He sighed, still asleep, and pulled her closer, one hand brushing against her cheek. 

Mai’s eyes drifted closed, listening to the steady rhythm of Zuko’s heart against her ear. 

Then the memory of what day it was struck her. 

She bolted upright, heart surging in her throat. Beside her, Zuko jerked awake, his palms raised with the clear intention of firebending whatever intruder had just entered her bedroom. 

“You’re safe, Zuko.” She leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek. 

He blinked at her from beneath his rumpled bangs, face still imprinted with the wrinkles from the pillow, but his muscles relaxed beneath her touch. “It’s early,” he grumbled.

“I just realized that today is the day of Black Sun.” 

Zuko stiffened, staring down at his hands. He flexed his fingers slowly, gritting his teeth.

She caught his hand in hers and he jumped. “Don’t worry, Zuko. You’re plenty capable, even without your firebending.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Do you really think the other nations will try anything without the Avatar to rally behind?”

He shrugged, turning away from her. The tense lines of his neck, the set of his jaw—

“Do you want to stay with me? I can protect you.” She reached into her sleeve to stroke one of her knives. “If you don’t mind shirking your princely duties, that is.”

When he still did not reply, she yawned, stretching out her muscles. “I suppose I should be getting to my post soon.” She and Ty Lee had been tasked with protecting the Fire Palace Nobility because their fighting styles would not be affected by the eclipse. She was just swinging her feet over the side of her bed when a hand flashed out to grab her wrist, quick as a saber strike.

“Stay?” 

She turned to see an expression she had never seen before on Zuko’s face— a shadow? A light? A mixture of hope, fear and worry. Between his gritted teeth and the glow in his eyes, mixed with warmth as he looked at her... 

The heat of his gaze draped over her like a blanket, warm and comforting. 

“They won’t miss us for a while yet.” He tugged her hand lightly, twining his fingers with hers. “Besides, I’m not ready to start today quite yet.” 

She shook her head, letting him pull her back down next to him. “I suppose I’m not ready either.”

He let out a shaky breath, drinking her in with his eyes. Gently, he reached up to stroke her hair, his touch gentle. His throat bobbed, swallowing. Another shaky breath.

“If it’s me you’re worried about, I’ll be fine.” She reached up to press his hand flat against her skull. “I’ll have Ty Lee with me. Besides,” she rolled her eyes, forcing her tone light, “who would _want_ to attack that boring bunch? I’m sure the Firelord is only having us there as a formality—”

The words stopped short as he dragged her in suddenly, hand steady on the back of her head, pressing her mouth to his. He kissed her with hunger in his touch, fire on his lips, so feverishly that she could feel the heat of his bending sizzling just beneath his skin. He splayed his hand against the nape of her neck, tangling her hair between his fingers and trapping it between his palm and her skin, not giving a second thought to whether he ruined her hairstyle. 

She squeezed her eyes shut, wrapping her arms around his neck. Sure, they had kissed one another this early in the morning before, had held each other this tightly as they fell asleep cuddling one another, but something about today was different. 

A startled gasp broke from between her lips as he flopped backwards, pulling her down on top of him. She giggled, dizzy from the shifting world and the sleep still clinging to the corners of her eyes, but Zuko seemed not to notice. The hand not on the back of her neck snaked around her waist, pulling her closer until they were chest to chest. 

She could feel every breath they took, his lungs expanding beside hers, his frantic heartbeat tapping away against her own, but most of all she could feel his lips pressing up into hers as if he would devour her every breath, her very being. 

He pulled away too soon, his arm around her tightening as he buried his head against her shoulder. “I love you,” he mumbled. “You have no idea how much.”

“Oh, I think I have an inkling.”

She could feel the rumble of a laugh in Zuko’s chest, as he craned his head up to press a kiss to her neck. She could feel her pulse against his lips as he pressed a second kiss over the same spot.

She sighed aloud, relishing the warmth of his mouth. 

She longed to curl up against him and go back to sleep, to ignore the incoming invasion and their responsibilities, but the sun was already beginning to stream through their window, too hot and too bright. 

“Zuko, we should really go.” 

He grumbled wordlessly, melting into her touch as she reached up to run her fingers through his hair.

“I can’t leave Ty Lee alone with all those nobles.” 

“Sure you can,” he groaned, but he sat up anyway. 

Mai found herself sitting in his lap, her shoulder against his chest. She could still feel his heartbeat, faster than the distant drums of the soldiers warming up outside. 

“Let me walk you, at least. I have to grab some things from my chambers before I get in position.”

“The bunker is the other way, unfortunately.” She slid off his lap and to the floor with more grace than she expected herself to. She was still shaky in her bones and warm in her chest.

Ugh.

Zuko was the only person alive who could make her feel that way, and she hated how much she loved that about him. They would definitely have to continue that kiss later.

Why, oh _why_ did the invasion have to be today?

He walked her to the door, his hand trembling in hers.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” she asked, arching an eyebrow up at him. She knew he had to go protect his father, and of course, he would never be allowed to shirk that duty. “Or better yet, I could go with you. I can talk to Ty Lee if you’re really worried. She’s more than capable of defending the nobles, and Firelord Ozai can’t object to one more person protecting him, especially since I will still have the same set of skills I always do.” She ran a finger over her sleeve to illustrate her point.

“You know I can’t agree to that, Mai.”

“I know,” she sighed, “I thought I would offer anyway.” She stretched up to give him a soft peck on the cheek. When she pulled away, his eyes stayed closed just a moment longer, his hand still clinging onto hers.

“I’ll be _fine,_ Zuko.” She laughed softly, untangling their fingers. “Don’t worry about me.” She pressed a soft kiss to the palm of his hand, looking up at his anxious expression through her eyelashes.

“I’ll see you after the eclipse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. I'm going to confront a homophobic teacher tomorrow so I'll be channeling my anger from that into the next chapter. It's going to be a wild ride and I will probably cry, so let's goooo.


	18. After the Son Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko has gone.  
> Mai takes the fall for it.

Mai could see just a sliver of sky through the window in the top of the bunker, just an edge of the sun’s dark halo peeking through the thick glass.

Whispered murmurs rippled through the crowd of nobles huddled at one corner of the room, staying as far from the padlocked door as they could. The fear on their faces and the bare walls of the room stood at odds against the richly embroidered silks and heavy makeup they wore. 

Mai did her best to ignore them, and they appeared to be doing the same for her. What few nobles dared to look at her or Ty Lee stared with naked distaste for the young acrobat as she stood on her hands in front of the door, humming a jaunty tune. 

As Mai watched the sky, the orange sunlight began to slowly fade back into its usual blue. She loosed a silent sigh of relief. This was probably the most boring post in the Fire Nation.

“Excuse me?” one of the nobles piped up, “How much longer? I want something to eat, and no one thought to bring any servants with us.”

Mai suppressed an eyeroll. “I’m  _ sure  _ this will be over soon.” She was not quite sure whether she was reassuring herself or the lord. 

“Did anyone bring a deck of cards with them?” Ty Lee sprang backwards from her hands to land on her feet. When silence met her words, she waved a hand, her cheerful smile never wavering. “Maybe next time!”

Mai glanced back up through the bunker skylight, relieved to see the sky had turned fully blue again. “I think the sun is back.” 

Another excited murmur ran through the group, and a few nobles raised their hands to show licks of orange fire curling around their hands. 

“Now, all we have to do is wait for the all clear,” she added, more to Ty Lee than any of the firebenders, who bounced from foot to foot impatiently. 

All of a sudden, a sharp  _ thud  _ rang out against the door, and the chain around it rattled. 

The nobles screamed, drawing back against one another. Ty Lee and Mai exchanged glances, dropping into defensive stances. Mai shook her sleeve back from her crossbow bolt cuff. However many water and earth soldiers there were, she had more knives. She hoped. 

The door shook again, and muffled voices yelled from outside.

“Open up!”

Neither Mai or Ty Lee replied, leaning forward, ready for action—

And the door splintered off its hinges, the lock and chain clattering to the ground. 

Soldiers surged into the room. Nobles screamed and footsteps clattered the ground, impossible to tell whose was whose. 

Ty Lee launched herself at the first soldier, aiming three quick jabs at his ribs and sending them to the ground before—

“Ty Lee, wait!”

The men and women who stood before them were Fire Nation soldiers. 

“Oh, right! Sorry about that,” Ty Lee leaned down to pat the fallen soldier on the top of his head. “You’ll be better in about thirty minutes.”

He weakly groaned in reply.

“All clear, then,” Mai called back to the nobles, who were hugging each other and laughing giddily as if they themselves were the ones that had won the battle.

The soldiers stepped forward, nodding to the nobles— 

— and rough hands grabbed Mai’s shoulders.

She cried out as they pushed her to her knees, muscles protesting as the soldiers twisted her arms behind her back. 

Were they enemies dressed in Fire Nation uniforms? They couldn’t be. The smell of smoke clinging to the two men flanking her was unmistakable.

“What are you doing?”

“Be quiet,” the first soldier hissed, tightening his grip on her arms.

“Mai!” Ty Lee took a step forward, but the guard held up a hand. 

“This is just procedure.”

“What procedure?! What have I done?” Mai winced as they pushed her further to the ground, rough stone scraping against her knees through her dress. 

“We’re taking you in for questioning. Firelord’s orders.” 

Pain shot up her shoulders as they hauled her to her feet by her elbows. She did not dare ask what they were questioning for. She knew she would not get a straight answer. 

At the edge of her hearing, she could hear Ty Lee arguing with one of the soldiers as the other two dragged her off. Mai silently begged her not to get herself into any trouble on her behalf as they pulled her into the hallway, and into a room she had never seen before. 

A single chair sat at the room’s center, before a desk stacked with paperwork. A coiled rope lay at the base of the chair. 

She cringed at the sight of it, flexing her wrists against the grip of the soldiers. She gritted her teeth as they pushed her into the seat, raising her chin defiantly. 

The soldier who had first grabbed her stepped around the desk and braced his hands on it, watching with detached interest as the other two soldiers tied her hands behind her back. The rope chafed against her wrists, scratching at her skin as they winched it too tight. She could feel the blood pooling in her fingers already. 

The soldier behind the desk leaned across it, speaking just inches from her face. “I am Captain Kai, and I am under direct orders from Firelord Ozai. You are being held under suspicion of traitorous actions.”

Mai’s heart dropped into her stomach. “What?” She ran through the list of everything she had done in the last week. Nothing seemed out of place. 

“I expect your honesty.” He flicked his thumb up, fire sparking. He did not bother to say  _ or else.  _ “Where is Prince Zuko?”

She blinked at him. “...here?”

“Obviously not. Try again.”

Mai sat bolt upright, adrenaline surging through her veins. The ropes creaked, cutting against her wrists, but she could not bring herself to care. “Was he kidnapped?!” Did they think  _ she  _ had conspired to harm him? “I’ve known Prince Zuko since we were children. I would never do anything to hurt him.” 

“Is that a confession?” Captain Kai arched an eyebrow. 

“What?” 

“Are you conspiring with the traitor prince to bring down the Firelord?”

Mai’s mouth opened, but no words came out.  _ Oh, Zuko. What have you done?  _ “I haven’t seen him since this morning. I know he was tasked with protecting his father during the inva—“

“Protecting?” He chortled, “He attacked Firelord Ozai during the eclipse and fled shortly after.”

Mai tried to swallow, but her mouth felt as though it had been filled with sawdust. “I can’t believe he would do this.  _ Why  _ would he do this?” Her eyes stung as another question came to mind, words raw and pitiful.  _ Why would he do this to me?  _ Scenes of them together, happy, flashed in her mind’s eye. When had he first started planning to leave? 

Their kiss this morning made sudden sick sense. The sweetness on her tongue disintegrated, leaving nothing but ash behind. 

It has been a goodbye. 

The painting, too. What had he said? Something to remember her by? 

How could she have been so naive to think that he was anxious about her leaving him? When had she ever been the one to do the leaving?

He had betrayed her. He had betrayed his country. 

Now, as she sat there, wrists bound and body shaking, it was clear that she was to take the fall for him like a good Fire Nation citizen. A good  _ girlfriend.  _

Her vision blurred and she flinched, refusing to cry. Not over him. 

There was hot wetness on her hands, blood welling beneath the rope, and hot wetness on her face as a tear streaked down her cheek, unbidden. She kept her face as still as stone. She would not break. Not like she had the first time Zuko had left her, escorted by the guards. 

This time, it was his choice. His free will. 

_ I will not break. I will not break. I will not— _

“You were closer to him than anyone else,” he spat, “What. Was. He. Planning.”

“Clearly, we weren’t as close as you think,” Mai wished she could fold her arms. 

“I’ve seen you two around the Fire Palace. Do you take me for a fool?”

Of course not. 

The only fool here was her. 

“Where is the traitor prince!” His teeth bared, the captain reached across the table to grab her chin, wrenching it upwards to stare her in the eye. 

“I never realized you were so short tempered, Major. Can't even handle interrogating one girl?” The bored voice came from the door frame behind her. 

“Princess Azula!” Captain Kai jerked his hand away from Mai’s face as though her skin had burned him. “I… ah… I’m actually a captain.”

“Oh? You must have mistaken me for someone who cares. That’s unfortunate.”

Mai trained her eyes on the ground, squashing the seeds of hope beginning to take root in her chest. If she was to be betrayed by both siblings today, so be it. 

_ I will not break.  _

“Let her go, Major. She has nothing to do with my traitor brother’s actions.”

“But Firelord Ozai—“

“Are you questioning me? Chop, chop.” Azula clapped her hands with each word. Captain Kai could not seem to undo the knots fast enough. When finally,  _ finally,  _ the ropes dropped to the ground, he scurried back behind the desk, his former bluster nonexistent. “Who told you that you could say?” The princess chuckled without humor. “Get out. Now.”

Only when Azula sat down on top of the desk in front of her did Mai dare to raise her eyes. She rubbed at her bloody wrists, wincing at the pinpricks on her skin as the feeling returned to her fingers. 

“Sorry about that,” Azula waved a dismissive hand. “I knew you would never have the spine to do something like this, but Father wanted to make sure all of the bases were covered.”

“What happened?” 

“Dear little Zuzu thought it would be a great idea to face off with our father today.” She trailed an idle finger over the wood of the desk, tracing the lines of the wood. “He waited until the eclipse, the coward that he was, made a less than eloquent speech about honor probably,  _ blah blah blah,  _ and then fled.” She shook her head. “Traitor. Just like our mother.”

_ How could he be so stupid?  _ The last time he had confronted his father…  _ No.  _

_ I will not care.  _

_ I will not break.  _

“Anyway, since you two have been all lovey dovey lately, my father suspected you might have something to do with Zuko’s betrayal.”

“He didn’t bother to tell me about any of this.”

“Oh, I know.” Azula reached into her sleeve and withdrew a rolled up piece of parchment, the seal already broken. “He left this for you in your bedroom.” 

Hands trembling, Mai unrolled the scroll, her heart clenching at Zuko’s familiar handwriting. 

_ Dear Mai, _

_ I'm sorry that you have to find out this way, but I'm leaving. I can no longer stand by while the Fire Nation commits atrocities. I am going to find the Avatar and train him. He is the best hope for the four Nations to someday live in harmony again.  _

_ I do not expect you to forgive me. I know I don’t deserve it. _

_ Goodbye.  _

A scream ripped it’s way from Mai’s throat and into open air. 

This was it? This was all she got? 

After all the blood and sweat they had shed for this nation, he would just turn his back on it like that? On her like that?

She remembered his words, the gentle touch tracing down her spine. 

_ You would be a good Fire Lady.  _

The spot on her shoulder he had kissed, punctuating those words, sealing that  _ promise,  _ burned like a brand. 

She wanted to scream again, until her vocal chords were as broken as those shattered words, but her throat squeezed, forcing her to gag. 

Azula jerked backwards as if she expected her to throw up right then and there. “Uh… Mai?”

“I want a bath,” Mai choked out. She wanted to wash it off. She wanted to scrub every part of her skin Zuko had ever touched with those warm, gentle touches until her skin was raw and she could not remember the feel of his fingers stroking her hair. 

Even the softness of her dress chafed against her, silk to shame. She had felt beautiful in it last night as they had eaten dinner and talked— how many of those words had been lies? 

She had felt safe in it as they had cuddled, warm and protected as she drifted off to sleep in his arms. 

Comfortable.

So comfortable she had not changed out of it this morning, telling herself that after all she had only worn it since the evening. 

Now she wanted to rip it from her body. To never see it again. 

Azula placed a hand on her shoulder, giving a long suffering sigh. “Listen, Mai. I know you’re still in shock, but this is for the best. You're loyal. It’s always been your best trait. You deserve a man who is loyal to the Fire Nation, and to you. And who thinks through his plans better. Challenging my father was sheer stupidity, but this?” She leaned forward to tap the word  _ avatar  _ on the letter. “Does he really think the Avatar will just let him waltz in? After everything he’s done? Zuko has burned every bridge he has ever had. He’ll be lucky if the Avatar puts him out of his misery.” 

“I thought he killed the Avatar.”

“Oh, Mai.” Azula tsked, shaking her head, a dangerous smirk playing over her lips. “Poor, sweet, naive Mai. No wonder you and Ty Lee get on so well. I was the one who struck down the Avatar.”

Mai sank lower in her chair, the world beginning to spin around her. 

“Oh, oops. It looks like Zuzu forgot to tell you that one. Did he also mention that he harbored suspicions that the Avatar was alive, and did not bother to tell his own family? He’s betrayed us all, Mai, and scurried off into some distant hole like the pathetic ratgopher he is.”

“So it was all a lie.” She raised a hand to her lips, tasting nothing but bitterness from the kisses Zuko had seared onto her mouth. How many lies had she kissed away? She rubbed the back of her hand across it, hating how her own touch brought back the taste of woodsmoke and fruit tart, the touch of steady hands clasping her cheeks, buried in her hair, caressing her neck. 

_ I will not break. I will not break— I— I’m going to— _

She was going to vomit. 

The emotions rising in her throat, like smoky sweet bitter poison, wracked through her body, and she gagged, coming up empty. Numb. 

Azula sighed dramatically and stepped around her, gathering the hair that lay on Mai’s shoulders back as she dry heaved. “Just let it all out.” She leaned in to murmur in her ear, her voice almost gleeful. “You and I will get our revenge soon enough.”

  
  



	19. The Chosen Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mai arrives at Boiling Rock with choices to make and no right answers to be had.

Mai stood frozen, pinned by Zuko’s eyes as the cell door clanged shut between them, the knot in her throat choking off any words she could say. 

She could see the regret in his eyes, knew him well enough to hear the anxiety rattling about in his brain, from the bob in his throat as he swallowed to the way his lower lip quivered, just once, before he set his jaw, his brow smoothing. 

He was steeling himself to leave her, no words said. 

With the slam of the door, all the hopes she had conjured died. She had imagined, in the last bright piece of her mind, as she had ridden the lift down to the prison, that they would have the same kind of conversation they had on another island, far too long and less than a month ago all at once. 

She had thrown the scroll he had left at him, wanting him to catch it— catch her— and explain why the words were the way they were. To find a way forward because she meant enough to him to make a way.

And now he had trapped her, in every sense of the word.

She could feel the already broken pieces of her heart cut into her chest, shards crumbling to dust and ash and glass and— 

—And he was gone.

She reached for the bars, hoisting herself up further, trying to see his retreating figure, but the hallway was already empty.

And she was alone.

_Again._

She had not confessed her feelings to her uncle, beside the obvious, holding back both a smile and tears as he had bustled around the little car, bellowing obscenities and threats, the least of which involved tying his limbs to four ostrich horses and spurring them off into different directions. For all his bluster, these threats had eventually devolved into boasting about the Boiling Rock prison. 

“I’m sure we could find plenty of use for you and your knives if you came to work with me here,” he had said, his gleeful tone too close to Azula’s for Mai to do little other than nod, staring down into the scalding water below. 

She had been wondering how they had caught him. Foolish prince that he was, he was clever and shrewd, determined enough that— 

No.

She ripped the words from her mind, trapped them in a cell of their own. 

He had _left her again._ And he had chosen to leave her.

She was no one’s first choice. Why would he choose her? 

Pressing her forehead against the cold metal of the cell, she slammed her fists against the door, cold metal against burning skin, straining with gritted teeth against the pain of her heart and body. 

She slammed her fists again, door rattling on its hinges, bones rattling with each strike.

Her parents had chosen the Fire Nation over her. 

Their _reputation_ over her.

Again she hit the door, hard enough to bruise her hands.

Her uncle had chosen the Fire Nation over her. He had not even showed up to her graduation, too afraid something would happen in the prison in his absence.

Again.

Azula had chosen herself over her.

She _was_ the Fire Nation, or as good as.

_Again._

Ty Lee would choose the Fire Nation over her.

She had chosen the circus.

She, too, had left Mai alone—

_AGAIN._

Zuko had not chosen the Fire Nation, but he had not chosen her either. Somehow, she had hoped that if she was important enough to him, he would—

—He would what?

Take her with him?

She sank to her knees, pressing her body against the door. Her hands were already beginning to bruise, spreading pink lines that she knew would soon purple her bloodless hands. Cradling her aching wrists close to her body, she leaned her forehead harder against the solid metal, unable to stop her lips from curling back from her teeth, unable to keep the soundless sobs from welling up. 

Just once, she wanted someone to choose her. To put her first.

A bitter laugh stoppered up her tears. 

Who would?

She wouldn’t.

_She hadn’t._

Bracing her shoulder against the door, she dragged herself to her feet, nursing her injured hands. Cupping them around her mouth, ignoring her protesting joints, she forced her bitten off words loud enough to hear.

“Guards!” Her breath hitched, and the next word came out a pained cry. _“Guards!”_

The footsteps that approached her were slow. Uncaring.

“GUARD!”

“What is it, prisoner?” a bored voice groaned.

“I’m not a prisoner,” she snapped, “Let me out at once.”

“They all say that.” Another shuffle of footsteps rose into the air, turning, _leaving her—_

“I am the niece of the warden, guard, and if you do not let me out right now, I will carve you into pieces,” she hissed, hoisting herself up far enough to thrust her arm through the cell window. She shook her sleeve back just far enough that he could see the glint of knives strapped to her arm.

The door swung open immediately, and before Mai had time to react, she tumbled to the floor in a crumpled heap.

“I’m sorry Miss, I didn’t mean to knock you down! I’m the only one down here, you see, everyone else is up there trying to stop the traitor prince from escaping—”

She raised a hand, stopping his panicked stream of words in their tracks. She dusted herself off and reached up to tighten the ribbon around each of her buns, movements slow. 

“They’ve almost got him, too!”

“I'm sure.” She examined her nails, relieved to see none of the black paint had chipped off. It was something to focus on, at least, other than the guards clearly underestimating the abilities of her boyfrie— ex boyfriend.

They almost had him like she'd almost had the avatar and his friends. 

“No, really! They’ve kidnapped the warden and are holding him hostage on the lift!”

“So?” 

“So your uncle has made the order to sacrifice him with the lift! The guards are cutting the line now. The traitor prince is as good as—”

Mai did not wait for him to finish his sentence. 

Leaping into motion, she swept her leg beneath his knees, sending him to the ground.

“I said I was sorry!” he called after her as she ran for the prison yard, her breath coming in gasps. Already, she worked her knives free, palming them in her hands. 

The shape, the feel of their familiar hilts in her palms, molded to the shapes of her fingers through years of wear and tear, were enough comfort not to question what she was about to do.

Bursting into the watery sunlight, she squinted across the steaming lake to spot two figures, nimble on the top of the gondola line. 

Ty Lee and Azula? When had _they_ gotten here?

Her heart pounded in her throat as she watched Azula loose an arch of lightning towards the figures on the other gondola. That would be her if she— 

_Don’t think about that._

Turning instead to the two soldiers sawing through the lift ropes, every snap of breaking fiber grating across her ears, Mai readied her knives.

It is amazing how everything can change in an instant.

“Put them somewhere I never have to see their faces again, and let them rot!” Azula snarled, whatever warmth she had once held in her eyes as she had looked at Mai and Ty Lee extinguished for good. 

She hardly looked like the same person, her face twisted into a sneer of pure loathing.

Mai, on the other hand, was reeling.

Ty Lee had chosen her.

_Her._

The acrobat’s small hand slipped into hers as the soldiers grasped them by their shoulders, dragging them down the hall and into a cell. 

Mai did not let go, even as the guards forced her to the ground, her breath leaving her in a huff as she braced her bruised hands against the dirt stained floor. 

A heavy boot slammed down onto her wrist, and she cried out as Ty Lee was wrenched away from her.

“So dramatic,” one of the soldiers spat. “Look at me.”

She raised her head as quickly as she could, the strained muscles of her back protesting every movement.

It took five guards to restrain Ty Lee, one for each of her limbs, and another who held her tightly in a headlock. It would be hilarious how many soldiers it took to hold one girl, especially one with so slight a build, if the fear on Ty Lee’s face was not so raw. 

The guard that had spoken grabbed Mai by the back of the collar and hoisted her to her feet. 

She forced herself to stay silent as the fabric pulled tight against her throat, a silken noose. 

“Take out your knives and lay them on the floor,” the soldier snarled. “If you do not comply or try to free her in any way, I will make certain that her pretty face is unrecognizable.”

Mai bared her teeth.

“Just try it, traitor.” He held his free hand closer to her throat, inches away from her skin. She could feel the broiling heat wafting from his fingers. If he closed his hand over her throat— over her face— the image of Zuko’s scar marring Ty Lee’s face flashed before Mai’s eyes. 

She swallowed, her mouth tasting of ash. “I’ll cooperate. Just… don’t hurt her.” 

“Take out your knives and lay them at your feet. No funny business.”

Feeling as naked as if the guard had asked her to expose her bare chest, Mai unbuckled her wrist bracers with numb fingers and dropped them to the floor. Darts scattered across the ground, sharp points glinting. 

Her knives followed, from both her arm scabbards and the sheaths at her hips, blade after blade until the stack reached her ankles. 

Murmurs of impressed concern rippled through the assembled soldiers, but the guard with his hand on her collar twisted the fabric, choking her breath from her lungs. 

“I said _all of them.”_

Gagging, Mai jerked away, kneeling to remove her ankle darts, the stilettos she kept tucked into her boot, and her two sais from where they sat nestled deep in her sleeves. 

“All. Of. Them.”

Gaze defiant, she met his eyes as she reached into her chest wrappings to remove one final blade, where it had sat tucked against her heart.

“Very good.” Turning on his heel to leer at Ty Lee, the guardsman seized Mai by the bun and pulled her down so that her face was just inches from her friend’s. “And you. Circus freak. No funny business from you either. You can take out some of my soldiers, but you won't be able to take all of them quickly enough to stop me from slitting this traitor’s throat with her own knives.” He gripped Mai’s hair tighter, set to rip the strands from her scalp. “And even if you get by me, the princess will hunt you down and kill you. Bet on that.” 

“You’re only saying this because Azula will kill you if we escape,” Mai spat.

He redoubled his grip on her hair, tearing the ribbon free. “Insolent brat!” He turned on his heel, beckoning one of the soldiers to gather up Mai’s knives. “I’ll leave you both to think about what you’ve done. If you thought Boiling Rock was bad, wait until you see the prison you’ll end up in next.” He snapped his fingers. “Guards!”

Twisting Ty Lee’s arms behind her back, the five guards set to work winding rope around her wrists, so tightly that her face drained of color. Tears welling in her large brown eyes, Ty Lee opened her mouth, but no words came out. For once in her life, she was speechless.

“Loosen that and I’ll kill you both,” the guard snarled. 

And the door swung shut behind him.

Mai dropped to her knees beside her friend immediately. “Ty Lee! Are you alright?”

She nodded, tears beginning to spill freely down her cheeks.

“Ty Lee, I—” Tears welling in her own eyes, Mai threw her arms around her friend. “Thank you.” 

“It was nothing.”

“Are you kidding?” Mai reached up to cup her face, wiping away tears with her thumb. “That was everything! I would have died if it were not for you, burnt to crisp at _Boiling Rock_ of all places. You saved me.”

Ty Lee smiled brightly, sniffling. “Well, I couldn’t let that happen.”

“I thought for sure you would side with Azula.”

“And let her kill you? I love you, Mai, I’m your best friend.”

Mai’s mouth fell open.

“You don’t have to say it back.”

“Ty Lee, you're…” she trailed off, shaking her head in wonder. “You’re my best friend too.”

Ty Lee nodded fiercely, her eyes bright. “No matter what happens, we’re in it together?”

Mai could not help but pull her into another hug, tears pricking at her eyes. “No matter what happens.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> All the training and forms is based off of my limited archery training, but if this quarantine stretches on any longer I may just learn knife throwing too.


End file.
